And Then She Felt Peace

Lost

2012-01-18T08:47:00.003-06:00

So I finally have a chance to write! Can you guess where I am as I type this lovely post? Yep, I'm the lucky gal who gets to sit at the DPS for what looks like will be at least an hour this morning. And that's even better than yesterday. Yesterday it was unbelievably packed. I took the last parking space and had to wait in line fifteen minutes just to get a number to wait in the real waiting line. Waited long enough to get a number and then realized I didn't want to spend my whole afternoon at the DPS and left.

So, what, do you ask, brings me to the DPS?

The day before yesterday I took Baby Samy to the pediatrician because he's been sick: dry cough, sinus congestion, fever, and vomiiting... Prayers please, as he's still sick. Well, after we left the doctor's office, I stopped at the store to buy lunch for my dad and sisters who lovingly watched Ella while the baby and I were out. That's where it happened. That's where I lost my wallet. I didn't even notice until that evening when I needed it again and turned my house, car, and my parents' house upside down looking for it. Needless to say, it was un-findable. And since I can be a very cautious person, sometimes borderline paranoid, I'm assuming it is lost to the world. Super duper bummer. I cried a little and then a lot, but my wonderful parents were amazing with helping me with my little ones and also with looking for my un-findable wallet while Sam was out of town for the day. (I'll write about why he was out of town later, but for now, that's top secret!)

So, alas, I am in the process of rebuilding what I should not have lost in the first place. :sigh:

I do think God has a reason for all of this, though what, I'm not sure yet. Here are the list of possibilities I've come up with so far:

1) Maybe I'm supposed to be at each place (i.e., DPS, banks) for a specific purpose. Maybe God wants me to share His light with the people there, albeit in the beginning it was a little dimmed because of my low spirits due to the whole losing-my-wallet situation.
2) Maybe if whoever found/has my wallet, if anyone, needed the money that was in it.
3) Perhaps He is telling me that I really need to start being more careful about these kinds of things, and maybe, that one way of doing that would be to actually use a purse.
4) Maybe God wasn't too crazy about my old drivers license pic (I know I wasn't), and this was His gentle way of getting me to take a new one. :)

Okay, okay, so maybe not the last one, but maaaybe. God jokes around with me from time to time :)

He cool thing about the whole thing was that my dad came over yesterday morning to watch my little loves while I drove all over town taking care of the stuff that accompanies losing a wallet, when he decided to read a devotioinal from Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado. The Holy Spirit was definitely talking to me through it. The title of the devotional for yesterday said "Do Not Worry"' and the quote was from St. Anthony, patron saint for people like me who lose things all the time. I just thought, "Niiice. Good one, God." :)

So, in other news, (goodness gracious, I can't believe that I haven't posted this yet!) Sam got into PA school! Yay! He actually interviewed on a Thursday and got the letter of acceptance two days later. I told him they must have really been impressed and wanted him in the program for hint have been accepted so quickly :) I'm so immensely proud of him! He starts in May, which means (drumroll, please)............ he will forever be off nights! From his wife, who misses him at night and during the day, even when he's with me (because he's always tired) I feel like shouting to the world, " Wooooooo hoooooooooooo!" So, it goes without saying that I. am. excited.

I guess I'll end this post now, even though it looks like I've got at least another hour after the one I've already waited. I wanted to post pics since it's been so long, but can't upload them here from my iPad. Maybe later. Hope all my blogger friends are well . Happy Wednesday!

Update

2011-12-27T00:24:00.002-06:00

So I've come to he conclusion that I pretty much only have time to blog late at night when Sam has gone to work and the little ones are in bed. But alas, that is when I choose sleep over words. I miss blogging though. Perhaps 'll get a chance to squeeze in a post tomorrow with some pics of the babies. Hope all of you had a beautiful Christmas that was centered on Christ :)

Baby Hide and Seek

2011-11-19T22:41:00.002-06:00

I was looking through some old videos tonight and came across my favorite video all all time. I'll share :)
This was almost 1 year ago. She was about 8 months old.

Prayers, please.

2011-10-26T10:05:00.008-05:00

Well, Sam has his interview for PA school tomorrow!! He has worked so hard to get to this point, and I know he will make an amazing physician assistant. We've been praying so much that whether he gets accepted or not, God's will be done and we receive His grace to trust in it. Please pray for us and for Sam specifically, that he does his best and that he feel confident in his interviews.

God has been working in our lives so much lately, and I give all glory and honor to Him.

I'd like to say that I'm very proud of Sam and myself, but I know that would be giving undue credit. The reason for this feeling is that we've been sticking to the financial principles taught by Dave Ramsey, and we're so close to completing the step we're on now. It feels fantastic to look back on the progress we've made this year in eliminating debt. When we got our W-4's in January this year, we looked back on 2010, and thought, "What do we have to show for this income? What did we do with it all?" We made more than we needed to live on, yet hadn't done much about our debt. It was then that we really decided to get on the Dave Ramsey bandwagon and start eliminating debt. We've made great progress to date, but still have a way to go.

We're working toward getting rid of the last of it by the time Sam starts (God-willing) PA school in May of next year. If we do that, I'll be able to keep working 2-3 days a week and pay for his school in cash payments as we go. This would be ideal, as working during PA school is highly discouraged, and mine would be our only income. While seeing the debt snowball really work in our finances is exciting and exhilarating (silly, I know, but I really feel that way), I still have to often tell myself Dave's mantra, which has become our own, "If you live like no one else today, you can LIVE like no one else tomorrow."

Now while I am proud of us, it's not for the fact that we've started to overcome our debt, because for that success I give credit to God. What I am happy about is that all of this has happened because we finally started listening to God and not to ourselves. We're allowing Him to work in our hearts and in our lives. We're getting pretty good at relying on the Lord as our strength to delay gratification of the things we want and keep our goal in sight.

This goal is financial independence for two reasons: yes, we definitely want to not worry about money and not have to work, but more than that, so that we can abundantly bless people. I want to be able to pay for a cart full of groceries for a mom who looks like she's struggling. We want to start a marriage and natural family planning ministry program. I want to give thousands of dollars to the Catholic Answers apostolate every year to help in it's wonderful evangelization efforts. I want to assure that our parents retire without worry. I want to start a small scholarship fund for my younger cousins to help them get through college. I want to multiply the talents God has given Sam and me, so that we can pay it forward to other people.

Please keep us in your prayers as Sam has the most important interview of his life tomorrow and as we continue to work with diligence on completing our Total Money Makeover. Blessings to you all.

When?

2011-10-13T14:46:00.001-05:00

So I've been a proud and ever-busy momma of two little ones for a tad bit over two months now. And I've had one question in mind a lot lately... when?

When-

...do I do chores? (should I instead play with my little loves?)

... do I play with Ella and Little Man? (or do I clean?)

... do I blog?

... can I craft?

... will I ever start to work out again? (I seriously feel like there is no time for this!)

... will I find a babysitter/childcare that will work out for us?

... can I find a quiet time to pray and read my Bible and earnestly listen for God's voice?

... will Sam and I resume our date night?

... should I get ready for the day?

I know this last one sounds like a stupid question. You're thinking, "Um, in the morning?" Buuut, I don't like Ella to wait for breakfast because she gets grumpy and Little Man, well he just won't wait. And it takes me an hour to get ready from start to finish if I hustle. But by the time he's nursed and happy and I've made breakfast and Ella is fed (it can be a struggle, let me tell you), I feel like I need a break, and by the time I'm ready to get ready (ha, ha) it's 10 o'clock. :sigh: And while it may seems that 10 isn't too late, by then I'm thinking, "Well should I get all readied up just to start on the morning chores?" I try to get a few chores done before we go eat lunch with Sam at work as we do everyday. And, yes, I could get up earlier than the babies wake up. Samy wakes up to nurse around 4 or 5am, so I could just stay up then, but that's just so early! I usually go back to sleep then, but don't wake up until Ella wakes up around 8 o'clock. And its very, very hard to go to sleep for only 1 or 2 more hours :( So, alas, when should I get ready for the day?

So, it seems as though I need to get a little better with the new demands of my time and figure out just when I will do all these things that need to be done or that I want to do!! Whew. I feel like I need to take a breath after typing all of that!

The thing about it is, I get pretty much everything done each day, so I guess I just need to feel comfortable in doing what I'm doing at any given moment in the day,. Today, for example, I was getting the chores done for today to mentally cross them off of the chore chart, when I couldn't help but feeling like I should stop cleaning and play with Ella. I play with her in between chores and sometimes she likes to "help" me clean by pushing the vacuum with me or "folding" clothes while I do laundry, but I can't help but feel like she deserves my undivided attention all of the time. I know that that, in itself, is not good because I've seen little kids who always were the center of attention and turned out to be spoiled brats. She's already good at individual play, and I'm proud of that.

I guess its just the mom in me that wants to make sure I'm doing the best for her. (This same feeling applies to Samy too, but I don't have to worry too much about entertaining him, since he is mostly still eating and sleeping all the time.)

So, back to my original question... when? When do I get done all that's on my list for the day and still spend meaningful time with my babies and husband? Because after all, that (along with my prayer life) is most important to me.

The Blues

2011-10-06T22:31:00.002-05:00

Today wasn't a very good day.

I'm still thankful for all the blessings I received.

But overall, the day leaves me feeling exhausted, unaccomplished, stressed out and resentful.

Lord, please take away the feeling of frustration I had today with those I love, and let me instead feel your peace.

Let me realize how blessed I am in all aspects of my life, and I have little, if anything, to complain about. I want to lessen me and focus on you.

Help me, God. Help me to be more like you.

Amen.

Little Man!

2011-10-02T21:02:00.000-05:00

So I've been meaning to post these pics a while ago but never finished. I started this post several weeks ago and then got distracted. I've added a few more pics to make up for my serious lack of

posting lately. Baby Samy has grown so much lately! It's amazing to see him get bigger each day. There have been days when I can literally tell he's grown overnight! Sounds crazy, but its true.

Here are a few pics of my handsome little man.

Hangin' out outside soaking up some rays.

Laying down with mommy.

Ready for a little outing. Check out his tummy! :)

I just love overalls on a baby!

And I can't leave Ella baby out. Here are a few pics of her, the top two are from today.

Yeah, look at those hands! She was having fun playing in the mud :)

Taking a break a the park. I love her little rosy cheeks. She definitely gets that from her daddy <3

My love and me!!

I just can't get over how handsome my wonderful husband is. I am so in love.

Another Mother's Wisdom

2011-09-07T21:38:00.004-05:00

I thoroughly enjoyed this post over at Mama's Little Ditty about homeschooling. It's practicality is not limited to homeschool only, because it spoke volumes to me about everyday life of motherhood.

The article makes me nervous about our homeschooling future, but at the same time, it makes me excited to know that it is manageable and what Sam and I feel is best for our family. I'm can sometimes be the A Type personality, so having to realize that I will not always have it under control is something that I have to come to terms with.

Sam can tell you that I like to always have a plan. I'm the kind of person that likes to be time efficient; I owe this to my double dose of being both a mom and nurse. I like to have goals. Just today, I made a chore chart taken from here, just to post it to my fridge to see what I have to do and when. The sight of clutter can often bring about the feeling of distress. I like to have an end in sight when starting a project. I am super organized.

:sigh: While all this is fine and dandy, and this on-top-of-things part of me has been most useful and even, at times, saved the day, I must be okay with not having everything just right all the time.

I just have to realize that it's all going to be just fine, whether there are a few dishes in the sink or the floor is a little overdue for a good mopping. God loves my family and me just the same.

A Little About Today

2011-08-30T21:06:00.009-05:00

Today was a lovely day. Sam and I spent time with our little babies, as we've been doing everyday. It's a lovely kind of lovely to not have work to go to or have anywhere pressing you need to be. To be able to take a nap anytime you feel like it. To play outside a couple of times a day and just soak up the sun.

Here are little pieces of today.

I realize there are no pics of baby boy. I'll make tomorrow's post his :)

Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

2011-08-28T13:31:00.004-05:00

I'm currently listening to "Free to Be Me" by Francesa Battistelli. She's a young Christian singer who has some pretty cool songs.

Just got home from church and cleaned the house a little with Sam. Ella and Samy Baby are sleeping. Gotta take advantage of their nap times whenever I can.

So as I sit in front of my compute and listen to uplifting Christian music, I reflect on my morning. I was very frustrated with myself earlier.

Sam and I usually go to Mass at our home church at 11 am. We love the priest there; Fr. Santiago is so reverent and gives amazing homilies packed with Scripture and a good joke or two. The only problem is that there is no nursery there and there isn't even a cry room. Combine the lack of child-friendly areas with the fact that Ella's nap time is around 12, while we're still in church, and you get a fussy toddler who does not want to sit still, regardless of snacks or quiet distractions such as books, etc. I say this not implying at all that our priest is perturbed by little kids in church; he's actually very family oriented and encourages us to bring her, despite her interruptions to his homilies. Ella is a wonderful little girl. She is well mannered (she already signs please and thank you), very sweet (always giving kisses and hugs), and well tempered. However, she is a toddler, and when she is tired the crankiness comes spilling out.

Well because of this, Sam and I have decided to have someone babysit her while we are at church if we go to this church, or go to another Catholic church at 11:30 where a nursery is provided and there is a cry room. The plan was for the latter this morning. We both woke up around 8:30, with plenty of time to get ready. Somehow though, no matter what time we wake up or start getting ready for church, we are always late. Not late by much, never more than 10 minutes, but late nevertheless. And I know I've written before about how much it peeves me to be late for anything, it absolutely drives me crazy to be late for church! I just can't stand rushing to get everyone loaded in the car, speeding to church, walking in late, missing part of the Mass, and then after finally sitting down, having to unruffle my feathers to open myself up to the Scripture readings. And let me add, that it usually takes a long time to do this. Being frustrated with myself in church certainly does not make me feel like I'm in a state of Grace to receive Holy Communion either. :sigh:

Well, all of that happened this morning :( Put all of that last paragraph together with the fact that I started getting the babies ready way early, ironed Sam's clothes and my dress while he did his workout for the day, and when I finally had to start getting myself ready, I asked Sam what time it was... it was 11:10- the time we should be out the door to have enough time to take Ella to the nursery. So the dress I'd gotten ready didn't work out as planned and I had to make a last minute outfit change. I ended up going to church looking horrible- didn't wear anything pretty, my hair was a frizzy mess and I didn't even bother to put make up on on the way there because I cried the whole way because I was so frustrated with everything. Uggh. Not a good way to got to church.

Or maybe it is. While in Mass, I didn't sing like I always do or say almost any of the participatory responses because I felt like if I said anything or let my emotions open up anymore, I'd be a free flowing river of tears. Instead, I spoke to my God from within and felt Him calm me down, telling me not to worry about such small things. I'm not a woman to compare myself to others, ever, but standing behind the glass of the cry room (we didn't have time to take Ella to the nursery), I couldn't help see my mess-of-a-self reflection next to the two beautiful women standing in the row in front of us, both wearing super cute outfits with perfect makeup and perfect hair. :sigh: I wanted to cry more.

But instead, I felt my God tell me that it's not about what I'm wearing or how my crazy hair is. What matters is that my family showed up to spend time with Him. Worship Him. Give glory to Him. And I even felt Him tell my troubled and beyond frustrated and sad heart that it mattered more to Him that I tried to look nice for Him (I was going to wear a pretty dress and curl my hair, but alas, had no time to get me ready). That regardless of how sad looking, and by that I mean pathetic looking, I showed up to church, He knew that I desired to look pretty for Him.

I know that this all may sound dorky and trivial, but it's not to me.

I honestly believe that Christ becomes present in the Eucharist. And how little is to spend one hour a week with Jesus in worship? :sigh: Not much. So it's important to me to at least show up on time and make an earnest effort to wear my "Sunday best". If I can be on time everywhere else and dress up for a job interview or date with my husband, then what reason do I have or lack of desire, for that matter, to dress up for a date with God?

Just some Sunday afternoon thoughts...

I feel much better, now that I've got all that off my chest.

Here's another song by Francesca I like. Kind of describes the first part of today...

2011-08-17T20:34:00.002-05:00

1. what time did you get up this morning?
7:11 am

2. how do you like your steak?
medium-well

3. what was the last film you saw at the cinema:
Mr. Popper's Penguins

4. what is your favourite TV show?
Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Law and Order SVU

5. if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Anywhere baeautiful

6. what did you have for breakfast?
nothing :(

7. what is your favorite food?
Spaghetti or pancit (a Filipino dish)

8. foods you dislike?
pies and cobblers

9. favorite place to eat?
orlando's

10. favorite dressing?
ranch

11. what kind of vehicle do you drive?
Crossover suv

12. what are your favorite clothes?
comfy jeans and a comfy solid colored tee

13. where would you visit if you had the chance?
Osapeninsula of Costa Rica and to camp at all the national parks

14. cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
1/2 full

15. where would you want to retire?
Anywhere beautiful

16. favorite time of day?
When I get to go to sleep

17. where were you born?
texas

18. what is your favorite sport to watch?
Softball

19. what is your favorite fragrance?
J'adore

20. what is your favorite face cream?
Artistry balancing face lotion

21. favorite baby/kids products?
Baby lotion

22. people watcher?
Somewhat

23. are you a morning or night person?
morning

24. do you have any pets?
Nope

25. any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
Umm... I'm hungry?

26. what did you want to be when you were little?
a cashier- i liked the beeping sound the scanner made

27. what is your favorite memory?
Any memory with my sisters

28. are you a cat or dog person?
dogs, definitely

29. are you married?
I'm wonderfully married! My husband is amazing, and I absolutely love our life together.

30. always wear your seat belt?
ALWAYS

31. been in a car accident?
yes, it was horrifying

32. any pet peeves?
Rude people

33. favorite pizza toppings?
Pepperoni and mushrooms

34. favorite flower?
sunflower and almost all wildflowers

35. favorite ice cream?
Cookies and cream

36. favorite fast food restaurant?
Rosa's and whataburger

37. how many times did you fail your driver's test?
Didn't

38. from whom did you get your last email?
The baby site that updates me on my baby's growth

39. which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't have a credit card, don't want one, and if I did, I most certainly wouldn't max it out unless I had no other choice.

40. do anything spontaneous lately?
Bought hummus today, if that's considered spontaneous. Never bought it before.

41. like your job?
Love it. Most days anyway

42. Broccoli?
Oh yes.

43. what was your favorite vacation?
All of my camping trips with Sam. I positively love to camp!

44. last person you went out to dinner with?
my parents

45. what are you listening to right now?
My husband run down the stairs and our baby make soft little noises in his sleep while he swings right next to me.

46. what is your favorite color?
green and purple

47. how many tattoos do you have?
One

48. coffee drinker?
Only when my sisters make it for me. For some reason I mess it up every time.

Jumpin on the Bandwagon

2011-08-12T12:38:00.006-05:00

I know we're more than a few years late, but Sam and I started Harry Potter! I'm excited; it's really good so far. We went to the library yesterday to borrow a copy, only to find out that there are tons of copies that said were available but were somehow lost. From there we went to a used bookstore downtown and bought the first volume for 1/2 price! I think we'll go there again!

Anyway, we're about 100 pages or so into it, and I think the rest will fly by.

Sam and I have been pretty busy lately, taking care of our little family of four :) Baby boy is with me almost constantly, as he is a voracious eater, and poor Sam, is not quite capable of nursing him ;) I've really started to enjoy breastfeeding again. There's a bond there that just can't be replaced. I'm so grateful this round of nursing has been much easier on me than it was with Ella. Maybe it's because I know what I'm doing now?

Well, short post today. Gotta start on lunch for my nieces and Sam and me. We've got the girls while Sam's sister Stacey and her husband are in Dallas. I've got some cute crafts planned for us. It's cute, they're so excited!

My pretty girl at the park with daddy

My gorgeous little man ready for his first trip out of the house. Going to visit Grandma and Grandpa!

So excited!!

2011-08-05T16:59:00.010-05:00

A lot has happened recently.

We had our beautiful little boy, Samuel Lynn III this past Monday, August 1, 2011 at 1016 am. He surprised us all, making is grand entrance to this world at a whopping 8 lbs 13 oz and 20.5 inches long. I was rather amazed myself. Sam and I thought he was going to weigh around 7.5 lbs, since his sister was 7 lbs 1 oz. Noooo, he was much bigger.

It's interesting though, because this labor was much easier on me. Total labor time with Ella was 18 hrs, but little man arrived in 11. I got an epidural with both, although I'd seriously thought about trying all natural labors. After much prayer and deliberation, I decided to look at epidurals as a gift to women, something I should say "Thank you" to God for, and not so much something I should feel guilty about using. I can honestly say that I am very glad I made the decision to get one after all. And Sam is very supportive- he was by my side with whatever I felt I should do. I love him so much.

Sunday night, we had Sam's family over for dinner and a movie. After they left, we finally got into bed around 11. Right before dozing off to sleep, the contractions came at 1115. I knew right away it was the real deal. They felt exactly like the contractions I had when I was induced with Ella. They hurt very low in my abdomen like a severe cramping. Sam and I timed my contractions until they were 3-6 minutes apart and then called my OB. He told me to go ahead and make our way to the hospital. Thankfully, we had everything ready, so we dropped Ella baby off at my parents' house and made it to the hospital around 3 am.

I was 4-5 cm dilated on arrival, so my nurse was in a hurry to get everything done. I got my epidural by 5 am and with that, was finally able to get some rest. I slept until almost 8 and had little man around 10 that morning. It was a great labor and delivery with no complications and manageable pain.

Sam was the most amazing coach and husband throughout it all. He never left my side and talked me through the pain. I love, love, love this man. He's so encouraging, even when he's not sure what to say. It was the best thing, just to know that he was right there with me.

My sweet Momma was there through it all too. She met us at the hospital right after we dropped off Ella. She was my prayer warrior during my delivery, just as she always is. I love my mother so much. Her faith inspires me and the woman she is pushes me to be a better one myself.

Anyhow, I'm off to bed. I started this post before dinner and am just finishing it after a night well spent with Sam's family. I'm exhausted, though very much content. I just want to lay down now and do nothing but sleep.

So, I conclude this post on one last not-too-tired note. I think I'll be posting more often in the future and with lots of pictures! I say that as I write this post on my baby gift from Sam. I'm spoiled, I think. He gave me an iMac 27" all-in-one desktop as my baby gift! I super duper like it :) It's most definitely an upgrade from the Sony Vaio we've been using as our primary computer, the one Sam purchased new in 2005. Yes, we were most definitely due for something new. And the got the top of the line :)

Well, I'm off to bed as I mentioned in the paragraph prior to the previous. I'll leave you with some recent pics of the family. Goodnight blogworld. Hope everyone has a great night.

My beautiful daughter at 16 months

Hubby and me taken a few days before delivery

We're goofy :)

I just like this one because it's a little different.

Gotta love that Ella's eating a pinecone in this one. Silly Ella.

Playing with Momma :)

And finally, he's here!!

The first is the third

2011-07-13T10:06:00.003-05:00

So...... We finally decided on baby boy's name! Our first son will be the third Samuel Lynn, named after my wonderful husband and his father. I turned 37 weeks this past Monday, which means I have 2 and 1/2 weeks left, if he goes the full 40 weeks. I get more and more eager to hold him in my arms and have a little bitty baby again. Each day that goes by feels like it could be the day. I feel ready.

We were slightly worried, Sam much more so, recently. At my 36 week appointment, my doctor said the baby was transverse, meaning he was sideways in my uterus, instead of up and down. He said that unless the baby turned on his own, I'd have to have a c-section. I know women have c-sections everyday and do just fine, but Sam and I really don't want me to have one unless absolutely necessary. The recovery time, from what I learned in nursing school and the experience of women I know, is about double that of a vaginal delivery. To think that it is major abdominal surgery is enough for me to opt out. When Sam and I heard this, we were a little worried, but trusted in God and prayed that His will be done, no matter what. Thanks be to God, at Monday's appointment, my doctor checked with the ultrasound, and baby boy is longer transverse, but head down! Yaaaay!

And I'm very excited for this weekend. My last two days to work before taking maternity leave will be tomorrow and Saturday. Then, on Sunday, my mom and sisters are having a diaper shower for me :) Since Ella and this baby are so close together, we have everything we need for him, minus few things. Cousin Levi, who is 5 hours older than Ella, graciously gave us all of the baby clothes he's outgrown. We just need a few newborn outfits, a double stroller, and I'd really like to have a new breast pump, although that one isn't necessary. And of course lots and lots of diapers!

We're thinking about this double stroller. It's a Kolcraft Contours Tandem II. Really cool.

It can be changed into so many positions. Here's another way to use it.

I'm just very excited! I want to hold him! I was looking at pics last night of when Ella baby was born, and I just can't wait to have another baby. We are so blessed!

In other news, I recently applied for a PRN position at another hospital in town in the CCU. PRN means it's an as needed position only, so I'm only obligated to work a minimum of 1 in every 90 days. Sweet. I applied after talking to Sam about it, because at my current job, where I'm also PRN, I've been getting cancelled a lot recently. When we don't have many patients in the unit, the staffing office will cancel staff according to how many nurses are needed. They try to keep a ratio of 1 nurse to every 2 patients, depending on acuity. According to policy, full time and part time staff are staffed first, the PRN staff as needed. Well recently I've been cancelled frequently, which works out fine with Sam and me, considering I'm so late in my pregnancy. But, we talked about it, and after I have the baby, I want to go back to working 2-3 days a week. I guarantee my current job 2 days a week that I'm available, but if I'm cancelled, I'll hopefully have another option to make sure I get my days in.

Sam and I are on the Dave Ramsey plan for getting out of debt, and I want to make sure we have my income to devote to paying extra on our car and my student loan. God willing, we'll be able to have no debt by close to this time next year, except for our home mortgage. That is very, very exciting! I know it sounds dorky, but we're pushing to be in that position so that when, God willing, he gets into PA school, we'll have only a very few monthly bills. It reminds me of what we're working toward. We want to be completely debt free so that our income can be used to build wealth and not most of it go toward payments each month.

We've talked about it a lot and do so frequently, still. We want to build wealth, not just to have it, but for several reasons. One is that we want to not make decisions based on how much something costs. I want to do something because I feel we should, without worrying about having to factor it into our budget. Secondly, we want to BLESS people!! Sam and I are always thinking of ways to anonymously bless the people we love in our lives, as well as strangers and the organizations we support. We are big, big proponents of the sanctity of marriage, and we'd love to donate thousands of dollars to Catholic marriage ministries. We also listen to Catholic radio all the time, and how I'd love to give more to our favorite apostolate, Catholic Answers. I want to set up a small scholarship program for all my younger cousins and our neices and nephews to help them as they are pushed to get good grades. I want to bless our parents, so that none of them ever have to worry about retirement. I want to bless our children with a college fund, something which neither Sam or I had. I want to give the people on the side of the road who ask for money a $100 gift card to wal-mart. And so many other things!

We just want to be God's hands at work. And while I most definitey understand that money isn't needed to be God's instrument, I know that if used for good, it can multiply His blessings.

Anyway, that was a rather long post for me, and whole I'd like to keep rambling off all my thoughts and dreams, I need to straighten my hair while baby girl is napping. Blessings to all.

Thoughts before bed

2011-06-23T22:50:00.003-05:00

Excited. Exhausted. Inspired. Not so sleepy. Grateful. Accomplished. Content. Motivated.

The little boy inside of me is doing flips as I write this post. My tummy looks like it's doing the wave :) I can't wait to meet him. To have such a little baby who is so dependent on us. To be unable to hold his head up or see more than a few inches from his face. To see the difference in our little girl and our little boy. Will he be as rambunctious and inquisitive as her?

I know we'll be very busy as our family grows from 3 to 4, but honestly, I'm not really stressed about it. This baby will be demanding in his own newborn way: the nursing every 3hrs, frequent diaper changes, and the figuring out his needs and personality. Ella will be demanding in the way a toddler can be: the having to watch her constantly to make sure she's not getting into something she's not supposed to, the frequent testing of boundaries, and the cute, but sometimes aggravating assertion of independence.

However, baby boy will stay put when I lay him down. I won't have to worry about him crawling out of his bassinet or climbing the stairs. Ella, on the other hand, despite being only 15 months old, already understands most of what we tell her. While she doesn't always listen, she does most of the time. And it's easy to know what's wrong with her when she cries. So in their own ways, they'll need special attention and love.

I'm just so grateful for my life. I'm most thankful for Sam, who is the most amazing husband. For the ability to have children. That Ella is healthy, intelligent, and beautiful. That we have a son on the way who, I hope, will be just like his dad one day. That God willing, Sam will be on days soon. That we are so abundantly blessed!

I feel ready.

As difficult as my days have been lately, with trying to take care of Ella and keep up the house and be a good wife to my husband, and feeling so completely exhausted at the end of the day with an ever growing belly, I can only say that I couldn't be more content. My roles of wife and mother are so full of meaning to me that no matter what kind of day I have, at the end of it, I can only say thank you to God.

Tomorrow I want to:
Cook breakfast for my love.
Play with Ella.
Make sure we are packed for our trip to San Antonio.
Leave town by 10 am.
Read.
Love.
Smile.

My last thought before bed: Love is a verb.

Sleep calls.

Overcoming discomfort

2011-05-31T10:39:00.006-05:00

It's been too long since my last post. Every time I check my blogroll for my friends' updated pots, I want to update mine with a new post as well. However.... I recently got a new Moleskine <3 I looooooove these too cute little journals! This is my 5th, maybe 6th one, and every time I get a new one, I just have a urge to fill up all the beautifully blank pages. So, when I've had the urge to write lately, my Moleskine become my blog's competition. And won. And that's perfectly alright with me, because I mostly write just for me anyhow.

Ella update: A few days shy of 14 months, Ella baby is walking all the time now! She took her first step the day before her birthday and has gradually increased the time on her feet each day. While she still crawls occasionally, she is mostly walking. It's so cute to watch. She walks forwards, backwards, in circles, any any other way she can get to her goal destination.

Baby boy update: I turned 31 weeks yesterday, meaning little man will be here in 9 weeks! It's incredible to think about. I'm sorry to report that we still do not have a name picked out, but we're working on a few leads ;o) Other than that, he's growing healthy and is right on track for this part of my pregnancy. Thank you, Lord.

My pregnancy with Ella, as well as my current one have both been great. I haven't experienced morning sickness at all with my sweet baby boy and did only for about a week with El. I am starting to get a little concerned, though,as something new has come up recently. Last Friday I started to have pains at work with just walking. It started about mid-morning and by the end of the day, I felt like I could barely lift my legs, and even then, it was excrutiating! The pain was difficult to describe but felt like it was a bone or ligaments in the very low part of my front pelvis.

Sam, the great future physician's assistant he's going to be, figured it out the next day -(I so stayed home on Saturday). He figured out that I have Pubis Symphysis Dysfunction, a condition not uncommon in pregnant women where the supporting ligaments in lower pelvis relax too much, and cause severe pain with everyday activities.

Here's a pic to show better describe what I'm talking about.
(sorry, had to post it above because this thing is being stupid)

Anyway, after resting all day Saturday, I've felt much better. I can get in and out of the car without hurting when I put weight on my pelvis. This PSD is definitely no fun, but I think that if I go easy on how much I'm doing around the house and not putting too much stress on my body at work, I think I can manage well. 9 weeks, right? I can do this. With God giving me strength and Sam being as wonderfully supportive as he is, I think I'll be allllright :)

Anyway, I want to right more about our journey to become debt free, but my iPad is about to die. I'll have to write about that later. Ta-ta!

Not yet done

2011-05-08T18:08:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone is having a lovely mother's day weekend with their moms :) I just want to write a very short post to let y'all know that I've still got another 1 or 2 posts on salvation to write. This weekend has just been very busy, and updating my blog world has not been on the top of my list of things to do. Hopefully I'll be posting the next question tomorrow. That's all for today. Gonna go spend more time with family!

What is needed for salvation?

2011-05-05T21:22:00.004-05:00

I believe that we are saved only by the means of God's free gift of grace which we receive when we first accept Christ as Lord of our souls. I believe that God offers His saving grace to everyone, though sadly, everyone does not accept it. So how exactly do you accept that grace? I've heard people say that only faith is needed, the doctrine of sola fide, or faith alone. Others sadly believe they can earn their way to heaven by their own good works. The bible is very clear on both of these doctrines being wrong.

What I believe and what the Catholic Church and the bible teach is that both faith and good works done in grace are needed for salvation. I want to be very clear of what I mean when I say good works done in grace. Examples of these are clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, visiting the imprisoned (Matthew 25.31-36)- all done, of course, with faith in Christ to share His love as he commanded us. Do not confuse good works with works of the law which include Mosaic law, and any of the legal, ceremonial type law that is found in the Old testament. An example of a work of the law is abstaining from pork because it was considered ritually unclean under Mosaic law. Christ fulfilled the old law in His coming to set forth a new covenant (Matthew 5.17).

When some people hear that I believe good works play a role in salvation, they automatically think I think I can earn my salvation. I most certainly do not. I realize that as an imperfect sinner, I fall short of God's high standard. I also realize, that this is why Christ came to die for my sins. His perfect sacrifice covered all of my shortcomings and washes away my sins when I repent. I cannot more clearly say that I believe we are saved by God's free gift of grace. I do, however, want to share why I believe both faith and good works play a role in salvation and why they are needed together.

James 2.14-26: "What does it profit, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but has not works? Can his faith save him? If a brother or sister is illl-clad and in lack of daily food, and one of you says to him, "Go in peace and be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what does it profit? So faith, by itself, if it has no works, is dead."
But some one will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I by my works will show you my faith. You believe God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe- and shudder. Do you want to be shown, you shallow man, that faith apart from works is barren? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he offered his son Isaac upon the altar? You see that faith was active along with with his works, and faith was completed by works, and the scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness"; and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works and not faith alone... For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so faith apart from works is dead."

That one passage alone is very clear that faith without works is dead, so it is necessary for salvation and I think it alone trumps the doctrine that faith alone is needed. But just in case you want more...

Galatians 5.6: "For in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision is of any avail, but faith working in love."

1 Corinthians 13.2 "And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." (This is my own wondering, but if you had all faith, so as to move mountains, wouldn't that be enough if you were using the doctrine of "faith alone"? Yet it says here you are nothing.)

Matthew 19. 16-17: "And behold, one came up to him, saying, 'Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?' And He said to him, 'Why do you ask me about what is good? On there us who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.'". (Here Jesus says we must DO something, keep the commandments, not just believe in Him)

John 14.12: "He who believes in me will also do the works I do."

Luke 10. 25-28: "And behold, a lawyer stood up to out him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, 'What is written in the law?' And he answered, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.' And He said to him, 'You have answered right; do this and you will live."

And what does Jesus say about loving him?

John14.15: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."

John 14.21 "He who has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me, and he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him."

Matthew 7.21: " Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."

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So, I hope this has been sufficient to explain why I believe faith and good works done in grace are necessary for salvation of souls, all through the free gift of God's grace. To me, the faith part is like how we show God we love Him, by trusting in Him. And the good works we do are how we love our neighbor as ourselves and how we bring Christ 's love to others!

Are you saved?

2011-05-04T20:21:00.007-05:00

This question is one that is of particular importnce to me. I slightly cringe when I hear someone say something like, "So many people were saved at church this weekend!" When someone asks me, "Are you saved?" I hesitantly say, "Yes." Let me explain my hesitancy here and why I cring when I hear someone say they are saved as if it's a done deal.

There is a Catholic apologetic by he name of John Martignoni who has the best answer to the question, "Are you saved?", I've ever read and I couldn't agree more. His answer, and now my answer, is "I have been saved , but I am also being saved, and I have the hope that I will be saved. Like the apostle Paul, I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling, with hopeful confidence in the promises of Christ." Now let me say here that the answer to this question is the base of this post. I will break down how this answer is so soundly biblical that it's very hard to argue with.

"I have been saved..."

This happens at the moment of accepting Christ as Lord and Savior of your soul- in this we accept His saving grace. Remember step 3 in how you become a Christian from my last post? This is the part where the faith we have in accepting Christ plants the "tree of Christ" within us.

Romans 8.23-24: "... But we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved."

Ephesians 2.8: "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God- not because of works, lest any man should boast."

2 Timothy 1.8: "... But share in the suffering for the gospel in the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not in virtue of our own works but in virtue of His own purpose and the grace which He gave us in Christ Jesus."

Titus 3. 4-7: "But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of deeds done by us in righteousness, but in virtue by His own mercy, by the way of regeneration and renewal in the Holy Spirit, which He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior."

"I am being saved..."

This describes how salvation is not a once occurring event. It's a process.

Phillipians 2.12: "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for God is as work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

1 Peter 1.8-9: "Without having seen Him you love Him; though you not now see Him you believe in Him and rejoice with unutterable and exalted joy." As the outcome of your faith you obtain the salvation of your souls."

2 Corinthians 6.2: "For He says, 'At the acceptable time I have listened to you, and helped you on the day of salvation.' Behold, now is the acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation."

"I will be saved."

The process of our salvation will be made complete on the Last Day, when we stand before God for judgement.

Matthew 10.22: "But he who endures to the end will be saved."

Matthew 24.13: "But he who endures to the end will be saved." (I know this is a repeat, but the Bible repeats it, so I am too ;)

Mark 8. 34-45: " And He called to Him the multitude with His desciples, and said to them, 'If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."

Acts 15.11: "But we believe that we shall be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will."

Romans 5.9-10: "Since, therefore, we are now justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life."

Romans 13.11: "For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed."

1 Corinthians 3.15: "If any man's work is burned up, he wil suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire."

Hebrews 9.28: "So Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin, but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him."
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So, (deep breath) that is why I slightly cringe when I hear someone say they are saved at the moment of accepting Christ. "Yes," I think, "you were saved when you started a personal relationship with the Lord. However, that salvation is not complete. It's a process, a process that progresses with our daily walk with the Lord. And it will be made complete when we stand before God in our final judgement and Christ, in separating the sheep from the goats, says, 'This one's mine.'" <3

It is with hopeful confidence in the promises of Christ that I persevere in my ongoing salvation and wait with joyful hope at the day that Christ claims me as His own, saying, "Well done good and faithful servant... enter into the joy of your master." (Matthew 25.23)

What does it mean to say that you're a Christian?

2011-05-03T12:53:00.004-05:00

Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me." - John 14.6
And in Acts 4:12, Peter says, "There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."

That being said, I believe non-Christians can still be saved. Romans talks about how God will judge each person according to what we know. "When Gentiles who have not the law do by nature what he law requires, they are a law unto themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that what the law requires is written on their hearts, which their conscience also bears witness and their conflicting thoughts accuse or perhaps excuse them on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus." - Romans 2. 14-16

Putting all of that together, I believe that is all are saved through Christ and only Him. I think C.S. Lewis said it best in Mere Christianity, "We . . . know that no man can be saved except through Christ; we do not know that only those who know him can be saved through him."

For the people to whom Christ IS revealed, they are given the opportunity to accept Him, and they cast judgment upon themselves if they refuse to receive the truth that He came to die for us and to cover our sins. Luke talks about the day that Jesus sent out followers to towns ahead of his own visits. Jesus said, "Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you; heal the sick in it and say to them, 'The kingdom of God has come near to you.' but whenever you enter a town and they do not receive you, go into the streets and say, 'Even the dust that clings to our feet, we wipe off against you; nevertheless, know this, that the kingdom of God is near.' I tell you, it shall be more tolerable on that day for Sodom than for that town." -Luke 10.8-12

I recently read a very good summary, in my opinion, on how to become a Christian once the gospel of Christ is made known to you, and I'd like to share. It is from The Handbook on Catholic Apologetics by Peter Kreeft and Ronald Tacelli. here are 4 basic steps, and these are highly paraphrased:

1) You first must believe in God's existence and power. This is like trying to find your way somewhere using a map. You would first have to believe the map is accurate and is capable of getting you to your destination before you start on a lifelong journey to get there.

2) You must be repentant of your sins in acknowledgment that sin is not the road to God and it is not His intention for us. This is like seeing that you're on the wrong road and are willing to leave it.

3) The third step is accepting Christ as Lord and Savior of your soul, thereby accepting His saving grace. This step is like turning onto the right road, as Christ said He is the way, the truth, and the life. In this step, the faith we have in trusting in the Lord plants the "tree of Christ" in us.

4) Jesus said, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9.23
Christ calls us to a daily walk of Christian living in which we deny ourselves and live for Him. Ephesians 2.10 says, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." The Christian actions and works of love we do become the fruits of Christ's tree within us.
(In Matthew 7. 15-20, Jesus talks about discerning a good tree from a bad tree by the fruit that it bears.)

Following these steps, is the best simple way I've come across that will ensure I get to the destination I want for eternity- heaven.

Salvation: An Intro to My Bible Study

2011-05-02T22:19:00.004-05:00

So I know this is a month and a half overdue, but I FINALLY finished my bible study (that has since turned into multiple bible studies). I feel like I have come to a point at which I can write a pretty good post on salvation and what I believe about how we get to heaven. Now, when I first decided to post this, I intended to make the post nothing but scripture; since doing all of my studying, however, I do believe I will include my thought process here and there so that you can more easily understand why I believe what I do.

I am very excited to share this, as the topic of salvation is one that is often unclear to many people and even argued over. Having used the last month and a half to study, I have lots of notes written down that I will use as the core of each post. That being said, I will write multiple posts on the subject, each pertaining to a specific question related to salvation. When I started my bible study, I opened my notebook and wrote down the questions I knew I'd want answered in my post. The following posts will be titled under each question I looked at answering in my study.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed studying God's word about what should be our goal in life: experiencing salvation through Him, who saved us, so that we may one day be with Him for all eternity. What is more important to any one of us than our eternal destiny? When you think about it, our whole lives are not even a single grain of sand in the never ending hour glass of forever. What fills our hearts and how we live our lives WILL determine how we spend our forever.

I will post one question each day for a total of 5 posts. There may be more, pending on length, as one question will have a very long answer from the look of things. Tonight is just the intro, but the meaty posts will begin tomorrow and I hope to have one posted each day subsequent.

Before I conclude this intro, I say a prayer asking God to bless the words I use and the spirit with which I write. I have only the intention of sharing my beliefs with those interested, because I hold them to be based on truth. I pray that God would touch the hearts of everyone reading, as He has touched mine in he course of this bible study.

Comments are welcome, as always, but I do as that if your views are different from mine, you express them respectfully and most of all with the attitude of Christ's love.

Posts to come starting tomorrow!

A letter to Sam

2011-04-26T09:34:00.003-05:00

You know love, I was just thinking about it and I want to tell you a few things I have on my mind.

I feel like the last few days we've been particularly close. I think it's partially in part to our anniversary having just passed and that giving us a moment to contemplate the last couple of years that we've been married.

Well I just wanted to tell you that I love you with all my heart and I think you are such a wonderful, wonderful man. I absolutely love that you are my very best friend. Looking back now, I can appreciate God's divine plan in the way we came to be together. Before we ever dated, we shared a beautiful friendship that grew strong over a number of years. I wasn't afraid to show you my true self during that time because you were my best friend and it wasn't a superficial relationship we had where I put on a facade in order to impress you or try to win your admiration. Then during a later time when I struggled through a heartbreaking relationship, you were there for me and I found comfort in your voice.

And even though I didn't know it at the time, you loved me through it all. You loved me when I was first afraid to give us a chance, when I broke your heart and was inconsiderate and mean to you. You loved me when I wasn't a best friend to you. When I loved someone else. But my favorite part and the one I most love to remember is that you STILL loved me years later when I was realized that I loved you.

You are so wonderful.

I love you more now, than I ever have, because, like I told you yesterday, you are my hero. I admire you so much because you work so hard to provide for our family while struggling to get enough sleep during the day. All that while helping me around the house and with Ella. You are the husband I've always wanted and I believe you when you tell me you will love me for always. I don't doubt you. You've never given me a reason to. Quite the contrary, actually- you've always been most trustworthy, because you've taken care of the heart I've given you. You love me so passionately in the way you hold me, the way you look at me, the respect with which you talk to and about me. In the simple acts of service you do for me, just because you know it's my love language.

I love you more now than I did a year ago or when we were first married because I see how great a daddy you are. Ella is so blessed you have you, not only as a daddy and playmate, but because you will be the standard with whom she compares young men as, one day, she starts to date. She will grow up seeing that you are a strong man, with strong faith who leads our family in the way of the Lord. I knew in high school, even, that you would be a fantastic dad one day; I think several people told you that. I'm so blessed to have seen that come to fruition and much more so that it has been with our daughter.

It still takes me aback at times that I was the woman you chose to marry and spend the rest of your life with- out of all the girls you could've picked. And to think we have a daughter together and a son on the way <3 There's no other person I'd rather grow old and raise a family with.

You are my wonderful man of a husband, best friend, father of my children, and the person I trust most in the world. I can't begin to tell or show you how much I love and respect you.

Thank you for being my everything and loving me so deeply in return. You are the epitome of the verse that instructs men to love their wives as Christ so loves his church.

I love you, Samuel.

A good day

2011-04-13T11:27:00.003-05:00

Today is going to be a beautiful day. I can tell already. The weather is gorgeous here and I plan to take advantage of that. Maybe Ella and I will go for a walk later :)

I need to post pics of Ella's birthday party. She looked the part of the birthday princess in a little pink tutu and everything.

I changed up the look of my blog. Guess I was getting tired of the same old thing. I really like this background. It's very serene-like.

Mine and Sam's anniversary is coming up on the 18th. We'll have been married 2 years <3 I can truly say they've been the best two years of my life. I couldn't have asked God for a better husband, partner, best friend, and teammate. I love you, Samuel- truly, madly, and deeply.

Hope everyone has a great day. I'm going to try my hardest to make it the best it can be!

Update

2011-03-31T20:49:00.003-05:00

I am planning to update soon, just have been very busy! I haven't yet finished my post for the Bible study on salvation. Need to get things organized so that it'll make sense to someone other than me.

Anyway, quick update: life is great in the Baumguardner home, except for me being sick the past few days. I don't know if it's allergies or what, but I've had a runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, and throbbing head. I finally got some Claritin today. That, by the way is crazy! The generic brand of Claritin with the same dosage strength and number of tablets cost $4. The actual Claritin brand was $23.99!! What?! That's just insane to me. Yeah, I went with the generic :)

On another note, Ella's getting so big! She's still got the same six teeth since my last post with no new additions, but they're big! Lol, it's weird to see her with big teeth. Her birthday's coming up on Wednesday. Bianca and I decided to have the parties separate, as our family schedules were conflicting. I have a lot to do before the party on Sunday.

Anyway, I'd better go. I've got several things around the house I want to get done today. I can't wait for my post on salvation coming soon but want to make sure it's done right :)

And while I did work this weekend, thought I'd share this just because it's cute!

Salvation

2011-03-15T10:31:00.003-05:00

I've had discussions in the past with friends with difffering opinions from me about salvation. I actually really like discussions like this as long as everyone is courteous and respects other people, regardless of their beliefs. I don't usually post much on why I believe what I believe, but since this one is of particular importance to me and it's been on my mind, I'll share.

I'm wanting to do a bible study today and I think it'll be based on this topic. Sam gave me this great idea to make one post with nothing but scripture about salvation and whether or not a person can lose their salvation. The next post will be exactly that- not my opinion, but exactly what scripture says. I'm thinking of adding something to that post that includes what the early Christian church believed. While I understand that many people believe only what the Bible itself says, I think it's important to correlate both Scripture and what the early church believed and practiced. That way I can understand scripture in the context in which it was written and try to understand it as the people of Jesus' time did. Not only that, but it helps me to see how Christianity as a whole might have moved away from what Christ originally taught.

I think I'll include that after all, though I'm not sure it'll all be in the next post. Anyway, just a heads up as to what's to come. Please feel free to ask questions or leave a comment as to why you believe what you do. I welcome all discussion as long as everyone is courteous to one another.

As a side note, I am very interested in apologetics, but more than being able to justify why I believe what I believe, I always keep in mind that is is more important to show Christ's love than to show how right you are. Like the song says, "... And they'll know we are Christians by our love."

:sigh:

2011-03-07T11:13:00.001-06:00

I feel exhausted. But my house is clean. Mostly.

No plans for today, but I hope it's a good one.

Hope I get over this feeling of tiredness.

Just some thinking

2011-02-25T10:53:00.005-06:00

Life has been fast paced lately. I worked extra last Thursday to make up for a day I was sick the week before. Then I worked my normal Friday and Saturday but spent all Saturday night and Sunday sick with food poisoning. Uggh... It was horrible. Went back to work Wednesday and Thursday and hardly got to see Sam at all. That's the not so fun part about him working nights and me days. I'm so blessed to be able to work only two days a week. I don't know how we'd do it otherwise. I still feel that even with two days a week of me working I don't see him as much as we want. We've decided it would be best for him to switch to days a while ago, but alas, a position just recently opened up. He's going to apply, and I really really hope he gets it. The only iffy thing is that the requirements said the position would require frequent traveling between labs, and the other lab is in Maryland. That might not be so much fun.

Other than that, life has been pretty great. Ella baby now has 7 teeth!! She got her first tooth February 6th, the day she turned 10 months. I can't believe another 6 have come in since then! It's really cute; she has 6 on the top and 1 little loner tooth on the bottom :) Melts my heart when she smiles. I want to put so many pics and videos of her on my blog, but our computer is super slow at uploading. Bummer. We're thinking of getting. A new one soon, because the laptop we use now is the one Sam bought right before college, like in 2005. He's wiped the hard drive a couple of times already, and it runs fine most of the time. It's just really slow when it has too many processes going at once.

Well we find out the sex of our new baby March 16th hopefully. I'm so excited! Everyone keeps asking if we want a boy or girl, but honestly, I don't know that I'm leaning one way or the other. A boy would be great because we don't have one :-b On the other hand, a girl would be wonderful too, because then Ella would have a close sister. I'm the oldest of three girls. My two little sisters are 16 months apart, and I am 2 years from the middle sister. It was really nice growing up with someone, in my case two someones, close to your age. My sisters and my husband are my best friends. I want that for Ella, too. I guess boy or girl, she will have a close sibling, and that's what's important to us.

The weather is supposed to be in the 70's today. I think we'll go forma walk at the park and let my legs catch a few rays :) I think pretty soon I'll go for a pedicure and buy some nice brown sandals to show off my toes. I'm so glad it's getting warm now!

Bianca and I need to start planning the babies' birthday party. Levi and Ella both turn 1 April 6th. I absolutely cannot believe she's about to be 1. It's amazing how fast time goes by. I so love her and love being a momma :) One of my favorite parts of the day is when I go to pick up from her crib in the morning and she gets so so happy to see me. It's like she knows who momma is <3

Anyway, back to the party stuff, we really ought to get started on the planning. We don't want anything really big or fancy, because they're not going to remember it anyway. But I do want our family and a few close friends there to celebrate with us. The question has become how
much family to invite. Sam thinks we should keep it between our two immediate families and grandparents. I feel bad doing that though, because we get invitations to o to all of my cousins' kids' parties. Everyone invites everyone. The thing is that I have a lot of cousins. At least 25 first cousins on my mom's side (that's being conservative) and probably another 15 first cousins on my dad's side. At least.

While I know they won't all be able to come, it'll still be a big crowd. We're most likely going to have the party at our house. We're thinking of
renting those big inflatable jumpers for the kids and making burgers or something. We have a huge backyard, so we'll have more than enough room. I just don't know. Sam wants to keep it small and I can understand. But to me, family is family. I'll have to ask Bink what she
wants to do.

Love it

2011-02-07T21:33:00.004-06:00

A Happy Spouse Is A Happy House By Colleen Martin

Posted by Colleen Martin on November 27th, 2010 in Columnists

So then why am I so busy trying to make myself happy at his expense? I like to think that for most of the month, I am a nice, affectionate, sweet, and understanding wife. But there’s that one stupid week per month where I can act like a total witch, and unfortunately, my husband bears the brunt of all that angst.

Suddenly, he’s not helping out enough, even though he does everything he possibly can. Or maybe it’s just that he’s not doing it correctly, or fast enough, or reading my mind. I’ve even argued with him about splitting an english muffin with a fork. I maintain that they are already fork split, you just have to pull them apart, but he thinks to maximize the nooks and crannies, you need to use the fork to split them. He sees potential yumminess, and I see another dirty fork in the sink.

Speaking of dirty dishes in the sink, I was recently heard singing “It’s a magical sink, a magical sink, where everybody puts in their dirty dishes and they come out clean. Don’t worry about cleaning them yourself because it’s a magical siiiiiiiiiiiink!” Pathetic song and even more pathetic attitude.

Why do I feel the need to bark at him about helping with the laundry, when he has never once asked me to mow the lawn, fix the faucet, take out the trash, or work full-time to support the family. Why do I see what he isn’t doing instead of all the things he does for us every day?

I think many of us wives can admit to this sort of bad behavior from time to time, and I’ve been looking for ways to overcome it.

First, I put myself in his place. Would I like to come home to a nice dinner and a clean house, or to a nagging spouse who complains about every detail of his day? Would I like to get a thank you for all I do, or a list of things to do? The answer is easy; treat him as I want to be treated.

Secondly, I learn to love him in the language he hears best. For my husband, that is with physical touch. Although at the end of a long day, I sometimes feel “touched out” by the babies, a hug or back rub shows him just how much I love him.

Another way to become a better wife is to change my attitude in my daily chores. I recently read a wonderful article that suggested replacing the “have to” with “get to”. For example, I don’t have to take care of my kids; I get to take care of them. I get to go to work to help our family’s financial situation. I get to make a wholesome dinner for my husband and children. It truly gives my priorities a much needed makeover at times.

Finally, I can offer it up. This month of November, as we pray for the Souls in Purgatory, we can offer up all our daily nuisances for their eternal salvation. It’s not easy being a good and holy woman, but it’s a lot better to suffer here on Earth than in Purgatory. So carry your cross with grace and with a smile on your face.

These are some of the things I have been trying to do to make my spouse (and house) happier. What are your tricks for having a happy spouse? I’d love to hear them!

Copyright 2010 Colleen Martin

Source:

Little by Little

2011-02-01T19:07:00.004-06:00

It's 7:07 pm as I begin this post and already Ella's been crashed out for about 20 min. Silly girl didn't want to take her afternoon nap so bedtime today was 645. She did the same thing the other day and slept 645 to 9 in the morning! Her usual hours are 8 to 8. We'll see about tomorrow :)
I feel accomplished! Over the past few months Sam and I have been seriously talking about getting rid of some unnecessary monthly expenses so we can build our savings faster. We looked at some of our bills that can be modified or completely cut out and set up a mini plan to make it happen.

1) We bought the Land Rover in Oct. with the intention of selling my Nissan Rogue so that we'd have no car payments. There were few repairs Sam's had to make to it and we bought all new tires. With him having school and work, the work on the Rover is almost done and hopefully very very soon we'll be selling the Rogue. Yaay- no more car payment and decreased insurance!

2) We have really not been happy with our current cell phone plan. I don't ever dicuss exact dollar amounts pertaining to our finances, but I'm sharing this one to prove a point. We have Verizon. Sam has a Blackberry with the unlimited data plan and I have a regular phone with Internet capability but I don't have a data plan because I don't use the web on my phone. We share 1400 minutes and have unlimited everything else: texting, picture messaging, no roaming... Well, we pay $195 a month for this "service". We've been trying to understand how in the world we're paying $200 a month for two phones and one of those doesn't even have Internet?! What?! Outrageous considering my parents still have my two sisters on their plan and pay less than $175 for four Blackberries (lol) with unlimited everything!! We went to Verizon today to see if we could lower our bill and I left completely unsatistfied. We're considering paying the early termination fee and switching to another carrier.

3) We went to our gym today (one of the 2-3 times in over a year, sad, I know). We realized what a waste it is to pay a membership fee for both of us every month when we never go. Seriously, this past November made 1 year that we hadn't been and our first time back was one day in January. Sucky thing is that when we joined, we signed a two year contract. Ugh, so wasteful, I know. Well, we went today and paid the early termination fee to get out of it and stop throwing money away. Finally. We should've done that a year ago. Oh well, it's done.

So I feel really good to say that we're taking steps at trimming some of the fat from our budget. All that money will be reallocated to savings or home improvement projects. There are still a few more areas we're going to be looking at and adjusting, but I feel more efficient, less wasteful, and overall satisfied with and proud of our progress.

2011-01-04T20:27:00.003-06:00

Lately I've been wanting to write, but alas with nothing to write about, I've been quiet.

Right now I lay in bed pondering what I'm pondering. I feel as though I have so many thoughts in my head while I cannot name any of them. Strange feeling.

Over the past 2 1/2 weeks Sam has been talking an online winter interim sociology class to get close to wrapping up prereq's for PA school. Uggggh I HATE this class! The professor apparently thinks sociology is the most important thing in the world and treats his class as such. Sam had 33 assignments and tests in 19 days.... ahhhh! And the professor made the assignments in such a way that he had to read all the chapters to complete them. With him working and trying to get an A in this stupid class I feel like I haven't spent quality time with him at all. He gets home from work, sleeps, gets up and does homework almost until when it's time to repeat the cycle. Ughh... I can't wait until this class is over. Luckily that will be this Thursday. We've already decided we're going on a hot date this weekend. My parents have happily volunteered for babysitting ;) come on Thursday!

On another note, I'm still completely undecided in what I want to do with my career. Here are all the things I'm considering:
A) Family nurse practitioner
B) Acute care nurse practioner
C) Masters of nursing science (a general master's)
D) Certified registered nurse anesthetist
E) master's in nursing education (I'd actually love to teach either as a nurse educator in a hospital or as a nursing professor but they don't pay enough and most of the time require full time hours)

:sigh: I've got a lot of choices and don't have my heart set on any of them. I should decide sometime in the next several months so I can have my application in early for whatever I do. I think most of the programs have May application deadlines. I need to do a lot of research.

Finally, I'll conclude my post with the most exciting news. Ella's going to be a big sister!!! Well we're excited anyway. She, on the other hand, just stared at us blankly as if saying, "Me no speak a the English yet." Sam and I are so completely happy. We're very excited that the babies will be close in age- about a year and a half. If we have a boy Sam will have someone he can play a little rougher with and I won't so much worry. If we have a girl Ella Grace will have a close sister. I can't begin to explain how amazingly blessed we are. I know several couples that never could get pregnant or have been trying for a which and still aren't. I can't begin to put myself in their place- wanting a baby so badly and not being able to have one. I just trust in God's plan for us and know that no matter what what comes our way or what we think should happen in our lives.
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55. 8-9

I want to post some pics of our holidays and recent going-on's in our home. Haha Sam has bought me two very nice cameras and while I can take all the lovely pics and videos that I want, I still don't know how to upload them. I need to get him to show me so that y'all can see beautiful Ella Grace.

Goodnight all :) hope everyone is as happy and peaceful as I feel right now. (I guess talking about our babies helped me get over the sociology thing :)

Pet Peeves

2010-12-09T08:56:00.002-06:00

Lately I've been mentally listing the things that drive me nuts. Here they are.

1) Being late to church.
I don't know how it happens, but ever since we've had Ella and occasionally before, we're always late to church! Usually its just a couple of minutes of singing we've missed, but still way not cool. I don't like trying to squeeze by the people who arrived on time so we can get a seat. But most importantly, I detest getting to church late because I feel like the least thing we can do as a family is get there on time. God has blessed us so tremendously in all aspects of our lives. He's given Sam and Ella to me. We're blessed with a beautiful home that is ours, health, family that loves us, and I could go on and on probably for my whole life with everything God has graced us with.
And I know that it is most important to God to just spend time with him, to talk to him, to love him, to read his word, and get to know him. I do think though, that we are commanded to be a part of the Body of Christ. By that we go to church to fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Together we read his word and apply it to our daily lives. We together take part in his body and blood as he commanded of us. Its a beautiful thing.
And what irks me more than anything is being late. If we can make it on time to doctor's appointments and family dinners and even work, then my goodness- we CAN get to church on time. Its one hour a week, seriously.

:sigh:

2) People who don't put their shopping carts in the shopping cart corrals
This one irritates the heck out of me, because it is a simple common courtesy. How hard is it to push the cart back to the corral? At most, it's what, maybe 30 feet? Or if you don't want to walk that far, park closer to the corral! It's so annoying that literally every time we go to WalMart, there are carts all over the parking lot. We live in West Texas and it gets really windy here. I mean gusts of wind will come up from no where and make you slant forward or sideways when you walk. If it moves a person, I know it sure as heck will move some shopping carts- probably right into someone's car.
The other day Sam and I went to WalMart, and right when we parked this nice lady was pushing all the carts together that had just been left in empty parking spaces- like it was her job, but no, she was just being courteous to people who might take the spots. Sam saw her kind of struggling with 10 or so carts and jumped out of the car to help. What a gentleman <3 Anyhow, we proceed into the store and do our thing. When we walk back out, maybe an hour later, our whole area is surrounded by carts. Literally, our car was surrounded- we couldn't have backed out of the parking spot without hitting a shopping cart. Uggh. So, again, Sam rounds up the carts while I put the groceries in the car and get Ella loaded up. Then, the rudest thing! This lady who was parked right next to us gets her two grocery bags from her cart and instead of putting her cart where she's supposed to (it wasn't far away at all), she puts it with the same carts Sam's trying to get out of the way, after she looks right at him. And he was not dressed like he was working there- there was no mistaking him for a shopping-cart-putter-upper-employee.
Uggh. Some people have no courtesy.

Well I know the title of this post is "Pet Peeves", like there will be more than two listed but these are the only two that have really been irritating me lately. I'll stop here. For now :)

Aspirations

2010-11-29T15:40:00.004-06:00

Lately I've felt stagnant in my career growth :( Since graduating from Texas Tech with a bachelor's in nursing, I've felt like I haven't done much to move forward. Now I'll say that I had quite extraordinary preceptors upon starting out in CCU after graduation. I was on orientation with a preceptor for about a month and a half before being on my own. I started taking open heart surgery patients on my own about 3 or 4 months after graduating. That is very uncommon. Definitely. It was not me, but amazing preceptors that enabled such progress. I took on the role of relief charge nurse at 6 months post graduation, and have become a full time charge (well, that's the two days a week that I work).

While all of those things are rare, I feel like soon after finishing school I stopped. With the exception of looking up medical conditions and drugs I am not familiar with, I've stopped pursuing progress. I'm stagnant. I think the 2 1/2 years of experience have made me comfortable and confident in my nursing skills, but I've stopped moving forward. And I think that may just be the problem- I'm comfortable and confident. And I don't mean confident in the arrogant sense; I mean that when a situation arises that requires quick critical thinking, I can handle it with ease. I can start medication drips stat, run a code, precept new nurses with all their questions.

But this is not where I want to be forever. Since Sam started school again this fall, I realized how much I miss learning. I miss taking classes, taking notes, even having to study for a test (though I don't miss the tests). I miss shopping for new school supplies as nerdy as that may sound. I especially love the feel of a mechanical pencil in my hand as I start to write on a new sheet of notebook paper or put a few sticky notes in my book to mark what's important.

Sam and I have discussed it, and as he's just finished applying to school to start a physician assistant program- hopefully, hopefully to start in the summer/fall 2011, I will soon begin my application for nurse practitioner school to start next fall as well. I'm very excited at just the thought, but am worried about what route to take- something I need to decide prior to applying. I'm considering the family nurse practitioner program as well as the acute care nurse practitioner program. I just cannot decide!!

Family NP- I can see patients in a doctor's office, assess, diagnose, and treat. I can prescribe meds, including narcotics. I can start my own clinic if I wanted to.

Acute Care NP- I do all the same as above but see sicker patients in the hospital, including patients that are on ventilators and lots of critical drips. I can put in chest tubes, central lines, and make changes on the ventilator.
here's a pic of a chest tube

and one of a central line, which is bascically a large IV site

The Acute Care NP is more appealing to me, because these are the patients I see day in and day out, and I enjoy the hospital setting. It also is a plus that I would be especially trained and educated to be in the hospital to see acute patients. What I'm unsure of is the scope of practice of a Family NP. A good friend, a very smart friend and well experienced nurse, just told me that that law changes are currently in the works to limit the hospital scope of practice of Family NP's. Ah! That's scary, because should I decide to take that route, I want to retain the ability to stay in the hospital. I don't want to be limited to clinics only. To me, that'd be super boring. (She will be starting Acute Care NP school in January.)

I need to do a lot of research on the differences in liability, scope of practice and privileges of each. I am very excited though and have until the end of May to decide. God willing, I'll be a nurse practitioner in the next couple of years! And that will bring mine and Sam's dream closer to a reality.

Our family goal and dream is to both work no more than 2-3 days a week each, preferably the same days. That way we'll have 4-5 days a week to be together and home school our kids. We've already made the decision that we want to home school, but having both of us there would be fantastic. I just want more time with my husband and our growing family.

Wisdom from my mother

2010-11-25T11:58:00.003-06:00

The following is from my mother to me. I just want to share, because I think it's so wonderful:

"Happy thanksgiving!
T-Thankful for all the blessings; big and small.
H-Humility is the best way to see, to feel, to know Our Lord's presence in our lives.
A-Ask Jesus Our Lord for his blessing and guidance throughout.
N-Never think you can out-give, out-love, out-forgive Our Lord. Just follow Him and do what he asks. He has called you my name.
K-Know him like you know your very own family and friends. He yearns for you to come alongside him as a father yearns for his children's company.
S-Serve others with love before you seek your won pleasures. This is a sure sign that Jesus is resting in you and you in Him. When you step out to serve and love, you are stepping out o serve and love Jesus Christ Our Lord.

Mean it when you utter the greeting, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

As for me, today I am thankful for the cross and am hopefully confident in the promises of Christ.

Picture time!

2010-11-24T06:24:00.006-06:00

Some pretty pics of a pretty baby!

and finally... a pic of the rover :)

Sam's birthday!

2010-11-23T13:29:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is Sam's birthday, and I'm so excited! Sometimes I can't believe he's mine <3 I'm not sure exactly what tomorrow will entail. I originally wanted to do something with the whole family, maybe have everyone come over for dinner or something. But on second thought, I'm not sure that that's such a good idea. Sam works tonight and tomorrow night :( No fun, I know. So having everyone over til he has to go to work is probably not how he wants to spend this birthday. I'm thinking it'll be just me and Ella hanging out with him after he wakes up early afternoon. We'll spend quality family time together before going out to eat to celebrate :) I do believe he'd like that very much.

Please keep us in your prayers as Sam and I are rapidly trying to complete his application for PA school. I know we should've started it way sooner, but have prayed about it a lot lately and finally feel like this is where God is guiding us. Ah! It's due Dec. 1!! Almost everything is complete, but we'll feel so much better once we're just waiting to here from the school.

On another note, Ella Grace has just about started to crawl. She gets herself on her hands and knees and just rocks all day :) She's already masted the army crawl and can take herself anywhere she wants to go. There's definitely no staying in one place now!

I'll try to post a video later today, depending on if I get called in to work or not. Hopefully not.

Samy, my sweet Samy

2010-11-09T12:59:00.003-06:00

This post is all about my hardworkin', little sleepin', class takin', super intelligent, diaper changing, dream building, strong-faithed, incredibly attractive, rock-my-world, uncomparibly devoted husband.

Samy, I love you. I am SO proud to be yours.

Pump, pump, pump it up

2010-11-05T07:57:00.004-05:00

I have a goal of breastfeeding Ella at least a year. God is continuing to help me achieve that goal. In the beginning, it was very difficult. Very, very. I stopped nursing a little bit in the beginning (about a month) and only pumped. She still took breastmilk from a bottle. But after I tried to nurse again, it was much better! I'm not quite sure how to explain it to someone that has never breastfed, but there is such a connection, a bond formed when nursing. It's amazing to think that that is how God intended it to be.

He created my body to be able to conceive and sustain life- even after she was born. I think about it and I'm so in awe of God's wonderful plan! I know it may sound weird (this whole topic) to some, but I don't. I think its beautiful. He helped me carry life inside of me, then gave me the ability to sustain life outside of the womb by producing the most nutritious food possible. Ella now has my antibodies to protect her against whatever my immune system has encountered. Not only that, but its good for me too! Breastfeeding decreases my risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer; also decreases my risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.

I don't mean to sound like a commercial for breastfeeding, but want to share the answer to a question I've been asked quite frequently (and I'm not tooting my own horn at all): "How have you gotten back to your pre-pregnant weight so fast?" Now, I'm adding a little disclaimer before I move on- I'm not saying I'm all that and a bag of chips. Trust me, I'm not. Disclaimer continued: I've never been preoccupied about my weight. As long as I'm healthy, I'm ok with my self image.

Moving on now that all that's been said- I was 120-125 pounds pre-pregnancy, and that was my normal. After breastfeeding for 7 months, which is where I am, almost to the day, I am 109. I was back to my normal weight probably around 2 weeks after having Ella. That's without any effort to be extra healthy. As a matter of fact, I've become quite accustomed to the 600 extra calories my body is burning every day just to make breastmilk, so I've actually kind of slacked off in terms of making a relatively earnest effort of eating healthy. Is that awesome or what? God really did design this to be how mothers are supposed to be postpartum. I like it :)

I'm not judging anyone that chooses not to breastfeed, but I feel very proud of myself that Ella has only breastfed to date. I thank God for continuing to help me with this goal (because it most definitely has not always been easy). Anyway, I know that probably seemed like this whole post came out of left field, but I just finished pumping, so it was fresh on my mind :)

By the way, I got the rover :):):) I'll post pics later.

Southwest special

2010-10-28T11:39:00.003-05:00

Another post, though very short. Just want to let everyone know about this REALLY great special Southwest has through midnight tonight. Fares from $30 to $120 for travel in early December and Jan 1 through mid Feb. Go to Southwest.com to check it out (it wouldn't let me post he link) If I needed somewhere to go, I'd be all over it! haha.

Plans for the day

2010-10-28T09:40:00.002-05:00

I don't believe Ella baby has slept with either me or Sam since she was a few weeks old. She is almost seven months now; its unbelievable! Well, last night when Samy left for work, I did my usual and checked on Ella before heading to bed. I always make sure she's covered because she usually rolls around a bit after we put her to bed. I'm usually pretty sneaky. Haha, you'd laugh if you could see me crawling around her crib at night to make sure she doesn't see me should she hear the floorboards squeak. Last night, though, she heard me and popped her little head up faster than I thought possible!

She didn't cry or anything, but just looked right at me with those beautiful brown eyes and I just couldn't resist. She slept with me last night :) I think every now and again it'll be ok to do that. But from the beginning Sam and I agreed that Ella and God-willing our future children should not form the habit of sleeping with us all the time. We know several people who have done that, and I think that that's not the ideal situation we want. The people we know who have done that have had a hard time putting the children in their own beds when they get a little older. I know couple who has a little girl that's about 2, and she will NOT go to sleep without her mom laying next to her for an hour or so whil she pretends to sleep. Another close friend of mine stopped sleeping in the same bed as her husband because she'd sleep with her kids in their bed (until they were about 10!! I'm being very serious!)

Anyway, those are extremes. I just don't want to get there. One night every so often will be just fine :)

As for today, I think Ella and I will go visit Sam's mom and granny. His granny is visiting for a little while, and she doesn't get to see Ella much. Yes, I think we'll do that while Sam sleeps.

Right now I'm laying on the floor of Ella's nursery as she plays on her playmat with random toys. She's started doing this thing where as she lays on her tummy and pushes her chest off the ground, she turns in a counter clockwise motion. Its funny because she has begun to crawl yet, but she pivots in cirlces from her hips. Its the cutest thing! And she is definitely not staying put anymore! She wants to see and get into everything. Oh my! I'm going to have such a rambunctious child!

By the way, I found an even better Rover!!! Sam and I are waiting to hear back from the dealership about some specifics, but maybe just maybe! If everything comes sounding good, Sam and I are planning to fly to Fort Worth to test drive and buy it if we like it. Yayy! But I don't want to get to excited in case it falls through. I just hope hope hope!

Better get ready for the day :)

Discovery

2010-10-26T09:26:00.004-05:00

It's been a few weeks since I've blogged. Haven't been online much at all. Life in the Baumguardner home has been rather busy. Sam is taking classes right now and I've been helping him study and take care of beautiful Miss Ella. I'm so proud of my sweet Sam. He's got so much on his plate: working night shift, studying and getting homework done for 3 classes, being a great daddy and husband. I love you, Samuel. You're my hero.

Well for the month of October, I'd set a spiritual goal to read one chapter of Proverbs a day- 31 chapters in 31 days. I listen to Catholic radio all the time and especially like a show called Faith and Family. I caught a great show one of the last days of September where the host did an introductory Bible study to Proverbs. I've read bits and pieces of it but never read the book cover to cover. So that's where I am now :) I knew there was great wisdom in Proverbs, but so much? I've been so amazed. I want to highlight every other verse!

I'm getting off topic a bit, but think it's quite funny how different Sam and I are when it comes to our Bibles. When I study something, anything, especially the Bible, I want to take notes and highlight and underline and make it mine! For as long as I've studied, in school or college, this is how I learn and get into something. Well, Sam, on the other hand, likes to take notes, but cannot make himself write in his Bible. He told me once, (I think it's so cute) "I've never been able to write in a book, especially not the Bible! It's so holy, almost like it'd be sacrilegious to me." My sweet man :)

When I get through the end I'm sure I'll be posting some of my favorite verses. I've studied Prov 31 in my Ladies for Christ Bible Study group and I can't wait to learn from it again.

Moving on, Sam and I have been looking into selling my car and buying a used one for cash. God willing, Sam will be in grad school next summer and I'll be the only one working for a little while. That being said, we're looking at eliminating as much debt as possible and decrease our monthly bills. If we sell my car and buy a used one outright, our only debt will be our mortgage and my student loan. Of course, we'll still have utilities and such, but that's manageable. We went to look at several different cars and trucks over the past several weeks. My favorite would have to be a '01 Land Rover Discovery I test drove a while back. It was sea-green, all leather, two sunroofs, automatic everything, 4x4 (perfect for camping!!). Sooo pretty! Sam found an F-250 he really liked. The only drawback was that the truck wasn't diesel. We'll keep looking to make sure we find the best suv/truck for us, but it's exciting to being getting rid of a monthly car payment and a new car! Well, new to us anyway :)

The Land Rover looks a lot like this. Nevermind the sign.

Anyhow, I'd better wrap up this post. I've got a few dishes to do while Ella baby naps. Have a wonderful day everyone!

Marilyn Monroe

2010-10-07T10:08:00.002-05:00

I don't know much about her, but I was just on a friend's facebook and found some great quotes from her. I want to share :)

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genious, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."- Marilyn Monroe

"I just want to be wonderful." Marilyn Monroe

The first one I think you'll like, Andi. I especially like the last.

Too funny!!

2010-10-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

Maybe...

2010-10-04T18:17:00.002-05:00

Just maybe... I won't have to go to work tomorrow. It would be fine with me either way. Hey, I'm just sayin'...

Lovely things

2010-09-28T15:06:00.001-05:00

Ella in her first pair of jeans and the pretty pretty roses Sam gave me this morning!

Sweet Samy!

2010-09-28T12:19:00.003-05:00

This morning I woke up and took a shower. Sam had told me he had to stay late at work for a meeting. While getting ready I heard Sam come it. He hands me a card- one of the SWEETEST cards I've ever received. It was about growing old together. Then he handed me two dozen beautiful roses and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him (again)! Today is exactly two years from when he proposed to me. "Yes!! Of course!" I said. I'm so very blessed to have such a sweet, romantic husband. I love you baby.

I know they're not good for me, but I'm chowing down on a couple of corn dogs right now. Yum yum :)Gonna head over to my sister's house in a bit to hang out while Sam sleeps. I can't wait til the day he is off nights. It's really hard on us. We're always on opposite schedules. Not fun at all. But I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining. We are very grateful for his job- it's a really good job. Just don't like that we don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like.

Short post today. I need to do some things before I heady to my sister's. Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

errrggg!

2010-09-25T14:11:00.003-05:00

That is my sound of frustration. The other day I spent a couple of hours trying to revamp my blog, including lots of new coding and other stuff I have no idea how to do. I found a website that gives step-by-step instructions for tech illiterate people like myself. I follow every instruction, and right at the end I couldn't download a file I needed to make the whole thing work. Errrrgg! :sigh: Maybe I'll try again when I have spare time to waste.

I just came back from a bridal shower a couple of hours ago. A good friend from high school is getting married in a few weeks. It was strange but nice see people from my high school softball team there- people I haven't seen since I graduated. I found out that the bride, one of my good friends back then, went to Italy to play for a U.S. college softball team!! How amazing is that?! Who does stuff like that?! I am so proud of her! She's always been really good, but Italy? I'm so impressed that she played ball in college and just kept her dedication to the sport. Go girl :)

I need to upload some pics of Ella. Haven't posted any in a while. My sweet baby! She's almost 6 months now. Isn't that just nuts? She's pretty much mastered the art of rolling over, and now she's trying to figure out the crawling bit. It's so cute to see her try to coordinate her movements. Sometimes, I'll put a toy in front of her, just out of reach (I know, I'm so mean). But lo and behold, she finds a way to get it!

Ah! We have so many weddings coming up! I thought spring was wedding season... not this year. So far we have:
-Kourtney and Landry
-Micah and Bradley
-Kristen and Evan
-Roni and Chandler (just married)

So, the same day as my last post about the care package- I went as planned to WalMart and got all the stuff. Before my post that day, I had already gone to the post office to find out how much shipping to Afghanistan costs and get the box so I would know what would fit in it. I asked the post office man all my questions about shipping overseas and was all set!

Or so I thought. I got all the stuff and taped the box well to ship half way around the world, addressed it and went to the post office to mail it. Errrgg! So, I tell the man (same guy) that I'm ready to pay. He says, "Did you fill out the customs form?" "No, wasn't aware that I had to." He says, "Yeah, just fill this out." So I step aside and do as told. This was after waiting in line already like 10 minutes because some lady had to ship like 20 pairs of shoes to people all over the country- yeah, heard her whole story. Anyway, I fill out the form and hand it back to the man, and he says, "Oh, you have to go over it again, to make sure all the carbon copies are legible." OOOOOKKKK! I didn't see it when he first told me to fill out the form. It would've been nice if he said that to begin with. So there I go to the side again and fill out the form so that alllllll the carbon copies are legible (7 total). Yeah, I had to press freakin' hard.

Ok, back to the annoying post office man. "Here you go," I say as politely as I can. "Oh, no," he says :( "Do you have more than 4 items in here?" he says. "Um, yes. I have lots of snacks in there for my cousin." "Well, this isn't going to work, ma'am. You have to list each item and it's value." What? Are you SERIOUS?! WHY ARE YOU JUST NOW TELLING ME THIS?!!!!

I say, "Really, like how many packets of ramen noodles and cans of tuna? Really?"
"Yes ma'am," says that wonderful post office man AFTER my box was sealed and ready to ship. So I just got my pretty, duct taped all over box and left. :sigh: It's still sitting in the same spot in my laundry room the day I came back from the post office. Still sealed up all nice and tight. I so don't want to go through that whole process again :( Poopy post office man.

Well, I suppose that's enough for now. Here are some pics of my beautiful little girl.

Care package

2010-09-07T14:35:00.003-05:00

I want to send my cousin a care package today. When Ella wakes up from her nap, I think we'll go together. Sam's working on homework. At 6 o'clock we have a dinner party for a good friend. It's her birthday today! I love birthdays.

What kind of stuff do you put in a care package? I think I'll google it, but for now these are some things I'm going to buy when the princess awakens:
- trail mix
- chocolate covered pretzels
- pb&j
- jelly bellies
- beef jerky
- protein smoothies
- ramen noodles cups
- fruit cups
- mac & cheese
- granola bars
- pic of Ella (we just got some made last month and they're ADORABLE!!)
- homemade card

Anyway, short post today. Toodleloo!

I want...

2010-08-22T21:44:00.003-05:00

I was talking to Sam tonight about something I've been thinking about. I don't mean to compare... at all... because I'm really really happy with my life. I've just been thinking that there are things I want to do that I haven't done yet. But I'm really excited, because now I get to do them with Sam and Ella. I guess what I want most of these things I speak is to travel. I told Sam that I want to make it a yearly thing to take a family vacation, just our little family.

My whole reason for bringing this up is that Sam and I are both so responsible. We can definitely afford to take trips, even if they're bigger trips. But, we're both so responsible when it comes to saving that we don't. I don't mean to say that we never go anywhere- we do. We take trips to different places and have fun together :) I just want to make memories with him and El Bell in all different places.

Sidenote!: Sam surprised me so wonderfully last night! I feel like such a dork- but I'll get to that part. When we layed down to sleep last night, I rolled over and felt something funny under my pillow. I pulled it out and it was a journal Sam had written a note to me in. It was a really cute note, and at the beginning it said, "Right now, I'm probably trying to find a way to get you to look under the bed..." Well, I just read right past that to the rest of the note and when I finished, Sam pointed to that line. I re-read it and moved my hand under the pillow. Finding nothing, I looked at him funny, like "what?" Haha, he started looking at me and was laughing. I re-read it (again) and realized it said under the bed, lol... not the pillow.
So down on my knees, I got to look under the bed- and what did I find?!?!
A digital camcorder!! Yay!!!! I've been wanting one since I was pregnant with Ella! He got a really really nice one :) We've already taken several videos and I absolutely, positively like it :) Thank you Honey Bear <3

So done with the sidenote...

Anyway, Sam and I are really good at saving, and we're getting better and better at it. We always think things like, "We don't really need it", when we want to buy something and waste money. I just don't want to be like that when it comes to making memories with my family. I really want to travel and see different places with them, especially now that we have the camcorder and can record awesome places and new things. I want to make it a tradition to take a yearly family vacation to new and different places.

Ideas:
-Grand Canyon
-Maine
-Virginia
-North Carolina (I'm not sure why I put Virginia and North Carolina- just seem like cool places to go to)
-Montana
-NYC (Not really sure I want to take little kids here- but maybe one day)
-Any national park ( We super duper love camping)

I will add to this list as I think of new places- perhaps I'll add a tab from my homepage just for my places to go, but I'll have to figure out how to do that first.

Getting things done

2010-08-18T17:16:00.002-05:00

Started reading a new book last night. It's the most challenging book I've read in quite a long time. It's scripturally and historically based and hurts my brain. But- it is very very interesting and I want to learn more! I'm going to take notes, and even went to Office Depot today to buy new highlighters and post-its :)

This morning Sam and I went and got Ella's pics taken. FINALLY! Ahh, can't believe it took me 4 1/2 months to do it. I've thought about it almost everyday and kept procrastinating.

I'm really excited. The budget Sam and I started last month allowed us to increase our savings quite substantially. And, honestly, we only stuck with it hardcore for the first half of the month. It kinda went out the window after that. We used to eat out all the time and when we started the budget to the middle of the month, we ate out just once or twice. For us that is AWESOME! I'm just proud that we showed ourselves we can do it. But we've recommitted to start again at the beginning of September. It's nice to see our savings grow with diligence :)
I think I'm going to help my little sis develop a budget for when she goes back to college. I'm really pretty good when it comes to saving and budgeting :)

Random note to self: I don't want to introduce the following foods to Ella or the rest of our future kids (God willing) for a loooooong time
1) corndogs
2) chicken nuggets
3) hot dogs
I know too many little kids that want only those things and are waaay too picky.

I'm off to budget for Andi!

So tired....

2010-08-06T22:00:00.001-05:00

Work completely sucked today. And I never say that.

I'm so completely tired. I don't want to go back tomorrow.

Uggh.

Roadshow

2010-07-29T23:04:00.003-05:00

I watched an episode of Antiques Roadshow tonight. Omgosh. This lady went to the roadshow with a diamond ring (5.2 carats) set in platinum. She'd been told her grandpa made it for her- I think he was a jeweler. Turns out it was made by Ascher? Jeweler Co. in 1915.

Guess how much it was worth.

I guessed $30,000.

Wrong.

Try $175,000.

Omgosh.

And she'd just had it sitting in her jewelry box.

!!

Can my baby read?

2010-07-21T19:01:00.002-05:00

So recently I've been really interested in the Your Baby Can Read program. I've seen commercials with real home videos of babies and really little kids reading- it looks pretty amazing! There's a video of one little girl who looks like she's about three reading Charlotte's Web. Wow. I'm bidding on the deluxe edition right now on ebay. Hope we win so we can try it with Ella.

I asked the opinion of some teacher friends before bidding to get their input. One was all gung ho about it, while the other said I could get just as much from ordinary reading. Don't get me wrong, I do plan on reading just normally with her, i.e., bedtime stories and such- in fact, I do already. However,I think that babies and small children love to learn. Ella already loves to read. She starts cooing really loudly when I turn the pages and changes voices :) Its sweet. But, back to what I was saying- I will do normal reading with her. I think, though, that if learning is fun for her and her learning curve is so high right now- it would be pretty cool to give her an educational "game" of learning to read. Already, she is a sponge. It's amazing to see how interested she is in everything. I don't want it to be a chore at all for her, but for it to be fun. So if I do the flashcards it comes with and all the fun stuff, well... I guess it will be. I'm definitely not going to be like one of those psycho parents who's all about school and "learn, learn, learn"! I just think that if this makes it easier for her in the long run, and she wants to learn anyway... heck, why not?!

I'm excited, in case you can't tell. :)

So the other night, I made this yummy recipe for cheesy biscuits. It was soooo good! I'd say they taste the same as Red Lobster's, and those are simply fantastic. Mmmm! Here's the recipe:
Ingredients:

2 ½ cups Bisquick baking mix

¾ cup cold whole milk

4 tablespoons cold butter (1/2 stick)

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

1 heaping cup grated cheddar cheese

Bush on Top:

2 tablespoons butter, melted

¼ teaspoon dried parsley flakes

½ teaspoon garlic powder

pinch salt

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

2. Combine Bisquick with cold butter in a medium bowl using a pastry cutter or a large fork. You don't want to mix too thoroughly. There should be small chunks of butter in there that are about the size of peas. Add cheddar cheese, milk, and ¼ teaspoon garlic. Mix by hand until combined, but don't over mix.

3. Drop approximately ¼-cup portions of the dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet using an ice cream scoop.

4. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes or until the tops of the biscuits begin to turn light brown.

5. When you take the biscuits out of the oven, melt 2 tablespoons butter is a small bowl in your microwave. Stir in ½ teaspoon garlic powder and the dried parsley flakes. Use a brush to spread this garlic butter over the tops of all the biscuits. Use up all of the butter. Makes one dozen biscuits.

Recipe courtesy of Todd Wilbur, "Top Secret Restaurant Recipes 2," Plume Books.
I got this from

Anyway, I'm experimenting with dinner and Sam's done with P90X, so I'm gonna go spend time with him and make sure I don't ruin our food!

Gotta get ready

2010-07-13T13:12:00.005-05:00

I was taking a moment to think about some things that are coming up. I'll be busy for a little while :) I like the feeling of busy-ness. Well, sometimes. But for the most part it makes me feel accomplished and productive to know that things have gotten done.
Today, I slept in a bit, put up the laundry, did the dishes, bathed and played with Ella, paid a few bills, and here I sit taking a break.

Saturday will be a busy day too! Ella gets baptized at 10am. I'm having lunch with a couple of friends. Then I host the Ladies for Christ Bible study from 2-4pm. After that I have just enough time before Sam and I go to a friend's weeding at 6. Whew! So excited. I need to go get Ella's white dress and candle. I'll do that today while I have time.

I miss Sam. He's on days for several weeks while he trains for his promotion position. Praise God. Annnnd... We started P90X yesterday! I'm so excited, but also pretty sore. Not the can't move because it hurts so bad sore, but a good sore. Like a nice reminder that I worked out :) Anyway, I'll keep posting about our progress. I'm really happy that we decided to get the program.

I'm so in love with my husband. I'm happy that we made the commitment to each other a long time ago that we always want to try for each other. Trying in the all inclusive sense... meaning I'll always try to be a great wife to him and take care of our home and children, and he'll try to help with chores and disciplining our kids. He'll always try to be the provider and leader of our home, while I try to work a couple of days a week. We have our "main" roles in our family and in our home, but we also make an effort to help the other in their role. It works well for us. But back to working out... part of the trying promise, we also want to strive to be our best selves for the other person, including keeping up with our physical appearances. I want to get really in shape for him, and he wants to be really in shape for me.

More on the topic, Sam kind of mentioned me being his girlfriend the other day. I laughed a little bit, because it just sounded funny to my ears after being married for over a year. After he said that, I said, "I'm not your girlfriend! I'm your wife." Then he explained to me what he meant: "You're my wife and my girlfriend. My wife because you are my everything, my best friend, and the mother of our child. My girlfriend because I still want to date you. To some people, when you get married you stop dating the other person. And when I say dating, I mean trying. You stop trying to learn about the other person, stop trying to spend quality time with her, you stop caring about how you look. Well, to me, you're still my girlfriend." :) That was what he said pretty much. Just paraphrased a little.

Anyway, I love being married to him. He's the best. And my boyfriend too ;)

A little sad, a little glad

2010-07-07T10:35:00.005-05:00

So I guess I'm a little disappointed. The Bible study turned out great except for the low attendance. I don't so much care about even that, except that there was one person in particular that I was really hoping would come. I think she really needs a group of Christian women to hang out with and be a good influence. But I guess there's not really anything I can do but invite and remind. I had three girls show up, although even that didn't go according to plan. We ended up discussing the power of prayer with three of us... a rather small Bible study group. But it was a great one. I learned a lot and I think the other two girls did too. We talked about Scripture and I read a little from the book "No Greater Love" by Mother Theresa related to prayer. It was really nice. Perhaps more people will show up next time. I will just keep praying that God bring the women there who He wants to be there.

Besides that, Sam and I have started this new budget I found online. It's amazing! It's pretty neat because it has everything in it we were looking for: an income spreadsheet, categories for all our bills, a section on "allowance" money (similar to the Dave Ramsey-style cash envelopes), and a snowball debt reducer. I super duper like it. Here's the link to the website I found it on.
(for some reason, it won't let me hyperlink it) just copy and paste.
http://beyondmom.com/2008/09/free-basic-budget-spreadsheet-template/
Click on Budget Template Spreadsheet. It's definitely worth checking out. I checked I don't know how many sites and budget templates before I found this one.

So, sorry for the short post, but Ella's getting hungry!

Bible Study

2010-07-03T07:15:00.002-05:00

I'm so excited! Today is the first meeting of the Ladies for Christ Bible Study. This is the same Bible study group I first started trying to put together a couple of months ago. I finally got the invitations out. I hand made them with chipboard, scrapbook paper, and various scrapbook pieces. They turned out awesome!!

Today our topic will be the power of prayer and what prayer really is. I invited 9 ladies for meetings every other week, that way we'll hopefully always have a least a small group together. I've been looking for Scripture passages related to prayer and found quite a few. Then my mom heard what topic I'm planning on doing and she suggested a book she's been reading by Mother Theresa. It's perfect for our study today. I'm going to tab certain passages and read them to the girls.

I'm hoping it won't be raining when everyone comes over,that way we can sit outside on our patio furniture in the backyard. Even so, we could always sit outside on the balcony since its covered. I'm really glad we finally got patio furniture. We never used to use our balcony since there was no where to sit.

Ideas for Bible studies:
- fresh fruit and veggies
- crackers and dip
- highlighters and pens out for notetaking
- index cards with next Bible study topic on it and suggestion for daily reading
- prayer before starting study and after ending study

I guess I should conclude this post. I need to clean house, get groceries, review passages.

Pray that our first Bible study be a successful one and that the girls show up!

Bad sitter... and stander

2010-06-12T15:41:00.002-05:00

I just realized what poor posture I have. I don't think about how I sit or stand until by back starts hurting and my neck feels all cramped up. I keep telling myself that I need to work on my posture, but how can you work on something when you always forget about it or get too busy to notice? A nurse I work with has the best posture ever. She says her mom used to pinch her when she would slouch as a little girl. Yeah... don't think I'll do that to Ella, but I would like her to have good posture. Suggestions welcome!

Tonight after work, Sam and I (maybe Ella too) will be going to a body building contest- or whatever they're called. My sister-in-law, Stacey, will be competing. She's so so soooo ripped, its craziness! She has more muscles than any guys I know. If I can take pics tonight, I'll post 'em. (Sneaky, sneaky!) Really, though, it's insaaane! Even though I would never want something like that for myself, I really admire her dedication. I can't imagine what kind of discipline it must take to wake up every morning to work out at the gym alone at 3:30 am!! And with two little girls... by the time she must get in bed...!

Anyway, I'll post pics later if I get good pics. I've gotta go for now.

Real quick, here are some new pics of... (of course)... Ella!

What the heck happened?

2010-06-04T12:30:00.006-05:00

Yesterday and the day before I worked. It was a good two days until yesterday afternoon. I was charge nurse and when I charge, I do a lot extra to help everyone else out. Well I was helping one of the other nurses label her IV tubing when my chest started feeling a little funny. It just felt like there was a little bit of pressure. I wanted to stay in there to help some more, but all of a sudden, I felt like I needed to sit down. I went and sat in the nurses' station for a little bit. Then Jeff asked if I could help him reposition a patient, so I went and helped him. While I was in there it got worse. It just kept getting worse and worse even when I was sitting. Eventually it got so bad I started crying and had to got lay down in one of the empty rooms. I called Sam and told him that I felt horrible.

He was there in 15 minutes and my director let me go home. This all happened around 5, so when I left at 530 I only missed about an hour and a half of work. I felt really bad that I had to leave, especially because I was charge. But I felt so so so bad. On the way home Sam had to pull over a couple of times so I could throw up. I got home and layed down and after about an hour it went away like nothing happened. But before it went away the pain moved to my stomach/upper abdomen. It was so weird. I really wish I knew what the heck happened to me.
This morning I woke up feeling just fine. Strange...

Anyway! I want to do something fun today but I don't know what. Oh! I need to pay our water bill... I keep forgetting and I need to do that before they turn our water off. I can be so forgetful sometimes! That's the only bill I forget about til the day its due. I think I need to put it on my phone's calendar.

I'm wanting to start a ladies' Bible study for my sisters and some close girlfriends of mine. Several weeks ago Sam and Ella when scrapbook-paper shopping with me. I had this idea to handmake these really cute invitations and send them out to each girl to join our study. I started cutting out the invites, but it's taking me soooooo long to finish. I need to work on them today and send them out. I'll post pics of them when I finally finish. :sigh:

Here are some recent pics of Ella Bell. I try to take more today and post later.

Ta-ta for now :)

Oh, the irony!

2010-05-28T05:41:00.001-05:00

Last night was Ella's first time to sleep through the night. But I woke up at least 5 times because I kept dreaming I was late for work. Go figure.

Good music

2010-05-25T05:36:00.004-05:00

I like that music affects me. I guess I've always been that way. Right now I'm listening to some good Carbon Leaf. I think Pandora is such a great idea. It's cool how they find new music for you in whatever genre you're into. Nifty.
I decided not to go back to sleep after Ella got up to eat at 4. I'm gonna stay up til Sam gets home so that I'll be able to go to sleep when he does. I don't like that we're on different sleep schedules :(
I just finished reading Who You Are When No One"s Looking. Good book. I like that the author really incorporates scripture, even to business principles. It's my kind of book, because I've always been really about integrity. I know I have a long way to go, but integrity is the number one character trait I try to work on. I have so much respect for people who show integrity- I guess because they are who they are even when no ones looking. They don't change. They're real and that's pretty cool.
I'm excited. A group of friends are supposed to be starting a softball team next month. I miss playing so much. I miss playing catch, just throwing the ball around. I miss fielding, catching grounders, the smell of caliche in the summer.
I know this is way random, but I was talking to Sam about recently. I don't ever want to become stagnant. I don't want to stop learning, stop pushing myself. I want to keep building my character and my intellect. I want to keep learning about all kinds of things. Study whatever interests me and push myself to learn about things I haven't ever really been interested in- like physics :( It's kind of funny because I've always thought people who read "self-help" books are weird, but how else can I expect mind to be opened to new ways of thinking if I don't allow them in?
So I just decided that I really like Carbon Leaf and I just found a new band similar to them- Sister Hazel- on Pandora. Really cool :) I love good music.
I can hear Ella sighing in her sleep on the baby monitor... my sweet girl :) I absolutely love being a mom.
I guess I should conclude this post. I need to get some stuff done. Have a great day everyone!

Late night thoughts

2010-05-13T23:11:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are disconnected from everyone, like no one can relate, like there's no one to talk to? That's pretty much how I feel right now. I'm tired. Ella was fussy all day, poor baby had a diaper rash and was hurting. She wore me out, trying to keep her entertained and comfortable. I'm glad I went over to my parents. My mom always lets me rest. Its like going on a little retreat for a few hours. Yes, a much needed retreat where I leave feeling a bit rejuvenated. I should be trying to go to sleep right now, but I guess I'm just thinking too much for that. Today was a bit of an awkward and lonely day. Sam didn't sleep at all yesterday except maybe 2 hours, so when he got home this morning he crashed til mid-afternoon. It was pretty much just me and Ella Bell and like I said earlier, she wore me out. I think the nicest part of all day was sitting outside with her in the cool breeze. I sang to her and she cooed at the songs she liked :) She likes to look at trees. I hope she's an outdoorsy kinda girl. Can't wait to take her camping. I feel like talking to someone rather than writing this entry, but it's late and there's no one I want to bother or wake up. I feel lonely and a little sad. I guess because Ella's asleep and the house is so quiet. Since there's not much else to do, I guess I'll go lay in bed and see if sleep becomes me.
Sorry for the depressing post. Maybe I'll be more upbeat tomorrow. Goodnight all.

I feel like

2010-05-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

today is Mother's Day :) I'm getting spoiled <3

Feeling accomplished

2010-04-29T21:22:00.003-05:00

So I'm home with Ella, away from my love :( Samy went to our business meeting tonight, and since there's no one to watch Ella, we're having a mommy-daughter night... I just wish Sam could be here too. She's been so good though- she's been sleeping for the past couple of hours, letting me get some stuff done around the house.
Dishes are done.
Laundry is done... and put up. (That's the what I'm worst at. I do laundry, but then it just sits in the basket for a week.)
The trash was thrown out.
All the random stuff that was laying around the house is back where it belongs.
Everything is ready for tomorrow's trip to Snyder to visit Grandpa.
I'm so happy Ella girl is being good so that I could get stuff done before bed. I just hope she sleeps through the night like she has been. I love my baby girl :)
I can't wait until our business replaces my income so that I can stay home with her. I'm so proud of my sweet Sam. He's been very motivated and growing our business so that we can both stay home and spend time together. I can't stand that our schedules are so different. I feel like we're always going in different directions, sleeping at different times of the day/night. I want for us to be together so much more than we are now. Thank you, my love, for being such a leader and taking the initiative to make our dreams happen. I believe that in the very near future we will be where we want to be. I love you Samuel.
I think I should start posting more often. I love to write and feel good when I take the time to think about my day and just to think about what I'm thinking about I guess. Anyway, I better go- my parents are stopping by in a minute to see the little one :)

To contentedness

2010-04-13T20:27:00.002-05:00

Today was a nice day. Sam and Ella and I all stayed home and just hung out. Our little family :) Yesterday was her first day out of the house. We went to see the lactation consultant at the hospital for a follow up and to check her bilirubin level since she was a tad bit jaundiced at delivery. Everything is much better now. Since yesterday, I've felt so encouraged. Sam and I were getting a little stressed when it came to breastfeeding because it is really really hard. They say the first two weeks are the most difficult and now I can definitely see why. It is most definitely worth it, though, to know that its for Ella's benefit. The meeting yesterday with the consultant helped us out a LOT. She was very encouraging and gave us great advice.

It made me feel really good that Sam and I came up with a solution that works great for us. Its less stressful on him and me, and I think Ella too. It feels really good to be able to talk through things with him and make important decisions together. I'm so grateful to have a strong marriage.

Last night I got 7 hours of sleep... oh yes :) Sam got up with her a couple of times, but for the most part she slept all night. I slept from 1130 to 5, was up from 5 to 7, and then slept until about 930 this morning. It was so nice and I feel way better as far as exhaustion goes.

Tomorrow I think we'll go for another walk at the park. I super duper love our stroller! Its a jogging stroller and is really smooth. I can't wait til I can run again and start working out. But I suppose its best to recover first.

Anyway, I suppose I should go pump. (The whole idea of a machine to pump breasts is kind of weird, isn't it?) Hope tonight is as good a night as last night :)

Ella Baby

2010-04-09T18:19:00.006-05:00

I am a mommy! And my wonderful amazing husband is a new daddy :) Beautiful Ella Grace was born Tuesday afternoon about 5 hours after her cousin Levi. She is so gorgeous. I can't believe she's really here. We've been waiting for her for 9 months, getting her room ready, picking out little clothes, talking to my tummy. I'm so thrilled, Sam and I both are.

Our first day home was yesterday, and our first night was a little on the rough side. Poor baby had really bad gas pains. She was crying all night. My sweet Sam is such a great husband. We took turns taking care of Ella in between feedings. I think we each got about 3-4 hours of sleep. I am so appreciative of everything he does to care for me. He knows when I get frustrated and feel like I can't handle something. He's my love, my right hand, my better half, my best friend. I am so in love with you Samy.

At one point last night, I had just nursed Ella and I was so tired and exhausted, physically and mentally. After I burped her I rocked her to sleep and thought I could lay her down... only for her to cry inconsolably. I was just enough to make me feel ten times more tired. And then, like he knew before I did how I was feeling, Sam got up right as she started to cry and took over... for the next 4 hours. I got 4 hours of continuous sleep because he rocked her and walked around the house with her for that long. (I just started to cry thinking about it.) He is so sweet to me.

:Ah, deep breath: So... pictures! I'll post a few that I have now and upload the rest later. She's gorgeous!

Sleeping with mommy :)

Car ride home from the hospital

Sup?

Great day

2010-04-02T08:20:00.002-05:00

I've been awake for only about 20 minutes, but I know its already going to be a great day :) My sweet Samy is home from work, I slept in a little- but not too late, actually slept well last night, and Andi stayed over so I wasn't home alone. (I haven't been wanting to stay alone the last couple of nights in case I go into labor.) Anyway, my tummy is grumbling so in a little bit, I think I'm going to make some biscuits and eggs :) Yum!
After breakfast we're going to go walking in this beautiful weather. Maybe I'll have more contractions. I always get contractions when I go walking, but then they stop as soon as I stop. I had quite a few last night but they too didn't last long. I thought I was going to go into labor- they kept waking me up! So we're on God's time with Ella. I was due yesterday but I guess she had other plans. Its sweet... my mom says she's taking her time because the angels are putting last minute touches on her like giving her little curls :) I like that. I'm sure she'll come out with head full of hair and long fingernails! I'm so excited!!
I'm hungry.
Oh, random, I know- but our grass is getting green! I love spring time, all the trees are so pretty and I like the green-ness of newly budding plants. Several weeks ago Bianca and I planted like 80 pretty flowers in what's supposed to be my flower garden. I'm not sure how long it takes bulbs to sprout, but I guess they're on their own time too. Sheesh, I'm so impatient! I just want Ella to be here and pretty flowers... is that too much to ask? :sigh:
Ok, time to go make breakfast. I'm ready to go outside. Its so nice.

Pregnancy pics :)

2010-03-30T10:12:00.005-05:00

As promised, here are a few of my fav prenancy pics. Taken by my dad :)

Sometimes

2010-03-29T19:04:00.002-05:00

You just have to realize the important things in life.

When?

2010-03-29T11:22:00.003-05:00

I've been waiting, waiting for her to come. She wants to get here when she gets here I suppose. I have another dr.s appointment today. I think we're supposed to discuss the plan if she doesn't appear when she's supposed to. I really don't want to be induced if at all possible, but if this little girl is as stubborn as I can be sometimes... Well we'll just have to see.
We finally took some pregnancy pics. I'll post a few of my favs :) Thanks Dad, for taking them for us. He's so great.
I'm excited. Maybe when the weekend comes, she'll be here. I kept dreaming last night that I was having contractions. I think I was, but it was really confusing because I'd wake up and feel fine and other times my tummy was all tight. That makes for an interesting way to wake up.
To do today:
1) Pay the water bill
2) Watch the last episode of Lost Season 5
3) Go to Target
4) Finish thank you cards for baby shower gifts (there's at least another 50 to write!)

For you, Honey

2010-03-25T23:17:00.003-05:00

I miss this place.

I like

2010-02-22T19:19:00.002-06:00

long drives with my husband where we just talk and never put the radio on.
feeling my baby move inside my tummy.
the smell of rain.
leaving my house early when I have to be somewhere.
Saturday mornings at my parents' house- there's always music on and the smell of good food.
hard working people.
baseball caps :)
the sound of my grandpa's laugh.
listening to Samy breathe while he's sleeping.
driving with a newly cleaned windshield.
being married <3
camping.
having such a large extended family.
that my sisters and I are so close in age.
waking up in the morning and just knowing it'll be a good day.
the sound of rain on our tin roof.
that our yard is huge.
my husband works hard in our business to build our future so that some day we won't have to work.
knowing that he needs me. Just like I need him.
going to Bahama Bucks to get a wedding cake with extra cream snow cone.
that God gives us different seasons.
green grass and big pretty trees.
pretty much decor that has birds on it.
our wedding more than any other wedding I've ever been to.
reading motivating books.
that I can trust what God has promised.
people who have morals, even with the small things. Especially with the small things.
feeling productive.
Texas.
that I can talk to my husband about anything and everything. You really are my best friend Samy.
being alive.

Rainy days

2010-02-04T11:57:00.003-06:00

It's been nice lately. I woke up yesterday early morning to the sound of rain on our tin roof. It started raining that night and rained all day until this morning. Still its drizzling and the humidity is "150%" according to my husband :)
Right now my sweet love is sleeping at home. I've been busy this morning. Already did the laundry, threw the trash, did the dishes, got our clothes ready for our meeting tonight, and took the car to get serviced. Goodness!
Now I'm at my parents house, listening to some great music and my dad cutting tile. They're tiling the living room and he wants to finish up by Sunday for the game. All there's left to do is grout. I'm glad- he's been working so hard on it lately. Sam came over after work this morning and helped him lay the last of the tile. Soon, it'll be all finished and look so nice :)
I think its about time to eat lunch.
Goodbye for now.

Feeling better

2009-11-22T14:01:00.003-06:00

Last night was not so great a night. I got into a stupid stupid tiff with my husband and it's somewhat carried over into today.

One thing I thing I can't stop thinking about is my role as a wife, what God calls me to do. I believe I am first and foremost obedient to God. I am commanded to follow God's law and obey him before any other. Next I am submissive to my husband. I am called to honor him as head of our family and respect him as leader... so long as the submissiveness to my husband does not confict with the superior obedience to my Lord.

Well last night was one of those conficts. However small it may have seemed to Sam or the couple we were with, what I was asked to do (no matter what it was) was something I know God would not have approved of. Furthermore, this one particular thing is a very big pet peeve. I can't stand it when other people do it and I certainly wasn't about to.

I've never been one to cave to peer pressure, and I wasn't about to last night. I was standing there alone and didn't so much care.

What upset me, however, was that Sam got mad at me because I didn't listen to him. I tried explaining myself but it didn't seem to matter. He got very very frustrated with me and then got mad. He said something that hurt my feelings tremendously and I started crying. Well I've been crying off and on since last night. Only an hour ago have I felt like I've finally got a grip on my emotions.

I guess I just want to hear an "I'm sorry." Not to sound all righteous, but I really don't think I was in the wrong. Had Jesus been physically present last night, I would have especially stuck to my resolve.

While making a confession, I had a priest once tell me that I have a very sensitive conscience. I agree whole heartedly. I know I don't always do what is right, but when I feel compelled (I think by the Holy Spirit) to do what is right in God's eyes, it doesn't matter who you are- I'll do what I think is right.

I prayed for a spirit of humility and forgiveness today at mass. And so with that, I'll leave this matter to a little piece of virtual space on my blog and not bring it up again.

Song of Songs

2009-07-22T23:22:00.004-05:00

I'm studying the Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II right now and it is the most amazing gift! I can say now as a married woman, God has given such a beautiful gift to be shared between the husband and the wife. In a recent Bible study, some good girlfriends and I decided to study Song of Songs in the upcoming weeks. I'm so excited :) I'm reading a book now by Christopher West, "Heaven's Song" and another by St Bernard Clairveux. They're both so enlightening and full of God's Word and how He intended love to be.

It just saddens me a little to see how society today has distorted God's beautiful gift of the marital embrace into something that is to be shunned or thought of as sinful. And while it most certainly can be sinful when taken out of the marital context that God intended for us, it is still something so powerful it is, in conjunction with God, life-giving. In what other way, are we given such a privilege to assist our Creator in creating? Wow.

I'm excited to see where our Bible study takes us as we explore God's design for spiritual and physical love between a man and wife.

Goals

2009-06-22T08:04:00.002-05:00

Today I will:
work on my list
call a few friends I haven't spoken to in a while
spend time reading the Word
thank God
appreciate my husband
figure out our budget
smile

:)

Day 3

2009-04-22T18:28:00.010-05:00

Some random guy on the beach :o)

A view from the restaurant where we ate breakfast today

At the pizza place last night

The view from the pizza place... prettty

Our AMAZING pizza!

goofin around before we went surfing

More good times

2009-04-21T16:20:00.004-05:00

The only one i could get so far...

2009-04-21T16:08:00.001-05:00

Day 1 and 2

2009-04-21T15:51:00.003-05:00

sorry everyone, we're working on pics, but the internet here is very touch and go. we'll post some as soon as we can!

all our love,
mira and sam!

Crunch Time

2009-04-15T09:18:00.000-05:00

We're down to the wire now. My mom and I have furiously been getting things ready last minute for the wedding. It's Saturday already! About 3 days from now I'll be getting my hair done and making sure everything's in order. Oh I'm so excited!!
I can't write long, because I've got a lot of errands to run today.
But, here in a couple of weeks, I'll be posting lots of pics of the honeymoon :)
Yay for honeymoons!

Ideas

2009-03-08T10:29:00.002-05:00

Like its Poison

2009-01-15T22:20:00.002-06:00

I am excited about this weekend. Less now, sadly enough, than two hours ago. I think much can be gained from the encounter. Questions will be asked we do not know answers to, hidden feelings will be brought to light, truths will be discovered. I know you as I know myself, but still... always... there is more to learn.
That is why I am excited.
I want to spend the weekend being challenged. Growing. Personally and with you. Learning about things I knew not before. Smoothing out the wrinkles.
I want true intimacy. To know the depths of your soul.
You are my love.

A patient of mine today, perhaps my favorite patient I'll ever have, shared some very good advice with me.
1) After complimenting my beautiful engagement ring, she said, "You know its not the ring that matters at all. Its the meaning of the ring and the measure of the man who gave it to you."
2) You should never follow a recipe just as it says, especially when baking a cake. The secret to baking a good cake is by not overbaking it. You know when its truly done when the edges of the cake pull away from the pan.
3) Never take for granted your parents. You have only one mother and one father. Cherish each of them because you won't have them forever.
4) Makeup can just about always make a woman feel better.
5) Use baking soda like its poison.
Thank you my sweet friend. I will visit you again.

It's been a good day.

Taking charge

2008-12-27T09:05:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my first day to be charge nurse.
I think it'll start happening more often.
Not sure if I'm ready for that, especially after the new year.
I am learning so much.

Need to start saving more.
The wedding is less than 4 months away!

Mmmm

2008-12-02T12:29:00.007-06:00

I am so in love.
Sam, I can't wait to marry you.
Shrimp scampi is cooking in the kitchen, and it smells wonderful.
I'm hungry.
This is one of my new favorite songs I think.
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Bella and Edward make the perfect couple.
The soundtrack to the movie is very good. I keep listening to it over and over :o)
I've been trying to put up engagement pics on facebook and the picture loader thing won't work for some reason. Later maybe.
Here are a few.
I miss my sister.
Andi, I'm glad you stayed the night last night.
By the way, little girl, you left your phone charger here. Guess I'll be seeing you tonight ;)

I am so happy.
Oh yea. pics...

Ode to The Wonder Years

2008-11-17T21:21:00.001-06:00

With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Cocker

2008-11-12T22:33:00.003-06:00

Decode [High Quality] - Paramore

No work tomorrow. Then four on. I'll be exhausted after next Monday.
Oh! I move into my apartment next weekend :) I'm super psyched. I've been getting stuff little by little to fill it all up. Think I've got most of the stuff I need, except perhaps a washer/dryer.

So I found the new soundtrack to the Twilight movie. Apparently it's already topped the charts and the movie hasn't even been released yet. Ohhh... whether to watch it or not :-/ I just don't know. I've got the perfect image of Bella and Edward in my head, and so far the previews I've seen have completely let me down. I don't know if I want to taint all the memories of the story by watching the movie. But, then again, I'll probably change my mind by the time the movie debuts.

I'm in need of a workout. A good ab workout. Cardio hasn't been a problem lately. I'm still running as usual, but I want a good core workout. Suggestions?

So the wedding is set for April 19,2009 <3
Oh my! So much to do in so little time!

I miss taking time out of every day to write. To just sit and think. To not have any music on, occupying every space in my mind with idle noise. I want to make time for this again. This and a time for meditation. To talk with God like I He's my friend. My fearful, wonderful, all wonderful friend.

Today, my dad and I ran errands around town and got a few things taken care of. I got to witness a very wonderful thing today. One of the places we stopped at was the hospital patient accounts office. (My dad went to ER a while ago and we had to go get the co-pay taken care of.) ......... Nevermind. I don't really feel like typing out the whole story. It's really long and I'm not into it anymore. I just got a little sad.

Buzz kill, I guess.

Guardian Angel, hmmmn. I've yet to hear you.

Do dreams mean anything?

I miss my friends.

I need to release a little bit of bitterness that's holding onto my heart like a calcification to my left anterior descending artery- the widow maker, so they say. I need to let go and have a stent put in.

I feel like not typing anymore, because nothing I'm saying makes that much sense to anyone who doesn't live inside my head and understand that my train of thoughts is not a train at all. It's more like a train wreck. And it frustrates some people. So I'm sorry if I've frustrated you with my rambling. I'll begin again another day.

Perhaps tomorrow.

2008-11-08T22:11:00.002-06:00

cheerful
always smiling
hard working
excited
eager to learn
sometimes impatient
too responsible
faithful
quirky
sleepy
ready
a red raider
exhausted
supported
emotional in church
too compassionate
a nurse
strong
vulnerable
in love
loved
truly happy.

OH MY GOSH!!

2008-09-29T22:27:00.003-05:00

We're engaged!! :)

I will...

2008-09-20T10:01:00.002-05:00

always love you, Lord.
always love you family and my dear sweet Sam.
be 22 this year.
go back to school in several years.
be getting 36 hours overtime this pay period.
be happy with all of the blessings in my life.
probably always be short.
never forget my friends.
be 70 one day and still want to go hiking.
always appreciate days where I get to sleep in.
make an honest effort to read the Bible every day.
be married one day, God willing.
be a mother one day, God willing :)
always strive to be a good woman.
be happy with the simple things in life.
pray for people who don't know God.
trust in His Word.
always try to look pretty for myself and my love.
forever be in love with you, Sam.
strive to live my life with honesty as a standard.
appreciate even the smallest of things.
treat others the way I want my family to be treated.
love.

My Trace

2008-09-04T18:21:00.003-05:00

i suck at coming up with titles

2008-09-03T11:31:00.004-05:00

It looks like I'm finally making some progress at a few goals I have. :o) it makes me feel accomplished. This hard work is finally paying off. I started reading a new book: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. It pretty neat so far, though I'm only 7 pages into it :-b I realized when I started it that I don't think I could ever be an author. I guess I'd never really thought about it, but they have to come up with a LOT of adjectives for a reader to get into the story. Especially in the beginnnig... you have to get a good picture of what's happening to be pulled into the plot. And that mean's lots and lots of description. I'm not sure I could do something like that... I have trouble enough with coming up with a title for my posts. Go figure.

I think I want to find a new way to wear my hair. Maybe I should get a new, thinner curling iron to spruce things up a bit. It just looks a bit bland to me. I don't want to cut it off though... I don't think. I've wanted it long for so long, I'd probably be really upset with myself if I cut it. I don't know, because on the other hand, I want a new look. I'd love to learn how to do that sultry, wavy type of curl. But I haven't a clue. Oh well, guess I'll figure something out.

I'm hungry.

I miss you Bink.

I'm glad I'm getting to spend time with you Andi.

I love you Samy.

So I was thinking about it this morning in my dream, and I realized something. When I left for college, it was just Bink and Andi at the house. They got to spend a year together while I did my own thing. Then I got to spend a year with Bink when she moved to go to college. Now I've moved back home with Andi and Bink is on her own. Next I'll move off or stay here or whatever and Andi will be with Bink. Then after Bink graduates, I guess we'll all be doing whatever we'll be doing on our own. Its pretty cool that it worked out that way. We all got to spend a year with each other all mixed up like that.

Okay, I want to read some more. Until later...

BIG

2008-08-20T21:49:00.002-05:00

I have a very BIG idea that struck me today. How realistic it is, I'm not quite sure yet. I've gotta do some research first, but the thought excites me. It could make a huge difference in the way my future will pan out. What to do what to do? Well, for now I'll keep my big idea to myself and those very close to me. Pray for me please, that I make the right decision and keep the Lord in all my thoughts. Thanks.

Mira

Won't back down

2008-08-10T18:21:00.003-05:00

This has got to be a new favorite song...
Wont Back Down - Tom Petty
I have happy thoughts right now. Be happy. I am. Stop telling me to be happy. :o)

a beautiful day

2008-08-07T09:59:00.005-05:00

So, I was told yesterday that I have weak eye muscles. Now I have to do eye exercises. Yay. But aside from that, yesterday was a very good day. I got a new hair lady and a new 'do. Its rather cute, I think.

Today, my sis Andi and I are going to this new Asian coffee/tea shop that's supposed to be rather fabulous. I hear it's very quaint, with plenty of oversized couches for lounging and reading a good book. I'll get to continue with my current- Koontz' Velocity. This is my first of Koontz', but it was well recommended, so I'll just have to see how that turns out. In the meantime, Samy and I are reading two trilogies together. I am so excited to finish the last of the twilight series.

The other day, work ran late, and instead of getting off work at 7, I didn't leave until 9. Well, as I was walking out to my car, I call Sam and find out he's parked right next to me. He'd been waiting patiently since 7 with the last book of the series. I'd been wanting it for a year now, and he was so sweet! He'd had it reserved all the while. It came out this month, and there he was to surprise me with it :) It was so sweet! I looked at him with tear-filled eyes (I felt so horrible that he'd waited in the parking lot for 2 hrs!) and felt like the most blessed girl in the whole world. It was the best ending to a 14 hr day of work.

Anyway, I've got to jump in the shower. We just walked the dogs and I'm afraid I smell like it.

Below I've attached some pics from mine and Sam's last adventure :) More to come later.

Adios.

href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_fIpsk7TKWSI/SJsOSTjtp1I/AAAAAAAAAE8/IP92QsmCEe0/s1600-h/DSCF2861.JPG">

2008-07-12T09:43:00.002-05:00

Where I'd like to be...

Split

2008-07-11T16:28:00.006-05:00

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where your emotions were completely split? I don't mean torn in two directions in the decision-making sense. I mean you felt two emotions so wholly and immensely, yet they were so completely opposite.

I have done some very good things in my life. And I have done some things I'm not proud of at all. The thing I most regret is that my actions have caused others to hurt with an intensity I still cannot fathom.

I look back on my short-lived life and realize that...

...that I have seriously, seriously hurt several people. Of their forgiveness I am truly undeserving, and I understand and accept that. While, in some instances, there were circumstances at hand that I could not control, I certainly could have responded differently. In hindsight, I now see how incredibly selfish I was. I am so sorry. I was not mature enough to think about the repercussions of my actions, and I certainly was not as open to the wise advice of others as was given me.

My God, forgive me for the pain I've caused these people, the anguish I've put in their hearts. I have not yet forgiven myself for what I've done, and while I've confessed it to You on numerous occasions, I know I will not feel that forgiveness until I can forgive myself. Lord, please help me. Help me to feel your love. Help those I've hurt to accept my sincerest apologies and deepest regrets. Help me to learn from the vast mistakes I've made, and most of all, please help me to be most like You.

While I couldn't be happier in the relationship I am currently in, I fear I lack a part of me as a result of this pain I have in me from the pain I've inflicted in others. I need to let go, to forgive myself. Of that, I'm really just not that sure I can do. God help me.

I just have so many reminders, and it is incredibly difficult to overcome them at times. I will continue to try. I will continue to pray. But KNOWING that I have broken three hearts...

One, at least, I know, has forgiven me. Another I'm pretty sure, but still doubt on occassion. And the other... well.. I just don't know. I think I'm probably the most vile person, though he'd never say that... perhaps his family would. I come here, humbled, knowing I have wronged you. And I ask for your forgiveness. Yes, I have done so before and meant it whole-heartedly then, but I still do not feel forgiven. I still feel your pain though we never speak. I am sorry.

I don't even know if you'll read this... probably not. But know that you will always be dear to my heart and one of the best persons my life has ever known. Though we've grown apart, to say it lightly, and our once passionate and devoted love has morphed into a friendship, I will always love you as my dear, dear friend. I wish you the very best in life and the very best love has to offer. I hope you find a girl who astouonds you in grace, beauty, and an immeasurable reciprocity of love for you. I thank you for all that you have done for me and my family. You just don't know how blessed I am to know you. Again, I ask your forgiveness, and hope you know that I will always be your friend. God bless you...

All my love,
Miranda-danda

2008-06-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

being sick sucks :(

:-b

2008-06-17T14:09:00.003-05:00

sometimes i like to think about new things.

i want a good book to read to keep me from watching tv. i didn't have a tv at all this past school year and did just fine without it. now however, my sis, sam and i have gotten sucked into the "lost" series. none of us had watched any of the shows when they first came out, so we stated with season 1.
now, i fear, it has become addicting. its kinda what we do. i want to watch the box less and read more. any suggestions anyone?

work has been really great. i love the unit i'm on and all the people too. everyone's very nice and good about teaching new nurses. there are a group of nurses that i especially admire- they really really really know their stuff. i think i'd trust my lives to them if i ever needed hospital care. i want to be like them someday... be very confident in my knowledge yet willing to to admit when i don't know something and find an answer.

my director is pretty cool too. she is very up-to-date on new nursing practice and is a good bedside nurse when she's not in her white coat. the thing that i like most about her is her readiness to teach. she has never made me feel dumb for asking a question, and her advocacy for education inspires me to take hold of every learning opportunity i am presented with. i really think i'll love it here.

i take nclex tomorrow! <:-o !! i think i'm ready, though have not studied much. it makes me nervous to think that there's a lot more i could have done to prepare, but those that have taken it before me have said that i'll do fine. should i trust people so readily?

i'm starting to feel like a grown-up :-b

stuffiness

2008-06-04T22:47:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. I do miss blogging.

I can breathe through one nare at the moment. It's been a little frustrating... I've had allergy/sinus problems as of late, and it hurts because when I lean my head forward, I can feel a sudden throbbing headache.

So besides the body-function update, I start work Monday. Graduation has come and gone, and I've been orienting all this week and last, and Monday is the first day I'll be in the unit :)

I'm excited to buy new cute scrubs.

I do believe it will be great. I can already sense that I will really love working here. One of the great things about this unit is that it is almost fully staffed. And that, my dear friend, is nearly unheard of in terms of nursing today.

I ran into an old friend tonight. Gosh, we hadn't seen each other since junior high. It 's always great to see someone you haven't seen in a long while of just stay friends with the ones you have. God, thank you for my friends.

:drip, drip, drip goes my nose: I think I have a leak. Rhinorrhea rather. Whatever I call it, I'll still have a chapped nose in the morning.

mira

The Only Promise That Remains - Reba McEntire & Justin Timberlake

Just Wonderful!!!

2008-05-01T11:56:00.000-05:00

Almost...

2008-04-28T23:46:00.002-05:00

One more class. One more test. And that is the end of my undergraduate studenthood.

:)

I'm so excited... I just might pull off all As this semester. Not bad, not bad at all. It'll boost my fallen gpa a bit. I'm just sad that I'm not graduating in the nursing honor sorority, Sigma Theta Tau, or with any honors at all :( It's kinda funny how that worked out. I've gotten honors all my life, except for the one big accomplishment in my life. Ha.. the irony. Oh well, I'll take it as an opportunity to practice humility. My mom always told me that God will give you chances to gain what you pray for. Just so happens I always pray that I be humble. My big moment...

I am so ready.

So I think I've pretty much decided that I'm going to move home for several months after graduating. Hopefully, that'll give me some time to save up for a house. Kya and I decided we need a house and most definitely a yard! She's learning to behave a little better, though. If only I could get her to not bite people's faces.

Class at 8am, so I'm going to retire for the night. Goodnight world :)

-Miranda